Many factured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It has been proven that
containing a lot of
catalyze numerous illnesses.
, it is often contended that their prices should be made higher to prevent people from buying them. Personally, I strongly agree with
idea. In
essay, I will elaborate on its nature as an addictive and destructive matter for human beings
at the same time is not a prominent nutrition, particularly for children which will serve as the justification to surge its fare. First and foremost, excessive consumption of
is dangerous but inevitable for folks who have been addicted to its sweetness. The undeniable health drawbacks from
addiction include obesity, diabetes, and many other complex physical problems which often lead to mortality. One clear example in Indonesia is the death number of patients with diabetes is higher than the death toll caused by respiration illnesses produced by smoking habits.
, leveraging the expense of sugary commodities which was applied previously towards cigarettes and other nicotine
is a serious attempt to lower the consumption of sugary
in wider society.
is not paramount for human nutrition fulfilment , unlike animal-based protein which is significantly needed especially by children to prevent stunting.
For instance
, if families from lower economic backgrounds cannot afford
-containing food frequently, there will be no harm
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On the contrary
, it will be more beneficial since the circumstances will make them choose healthier but less expensive alternatives
of sugary commodities.
, the designated fee jump
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will not be at the expense of less fortunate communities.
To conclude
, there can be no doubt that leveraging the amount of sugary feed is an effective innovation to encourage people to lower their sweet intake through fractured food and beverages
due to
its various health threats.
has proven to be a dangerous material for an individual's physique and is not a significant part of human nutrition needs.
Submitted by dandelionandburdock on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address all aspects of the prompt. It should provide a balanced argument and consider counter-arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Ideas are well-developed and supported.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary is fairly good, but some expressions could be more precise. There is also some repetition of words and ideas.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good command of complex structures and generally accurate use of grammar. However, there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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