Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, TV programs and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's age, video
games
Use synonyms
have caught many younger people's attention.
However
Linking Words
, it is believed by many
parents
Use synonyms
that spending too much time playing video
games
Use synonyms
or sitting in front of screens could affect the health of their offspring. In
this
Linking Words
essay, we will explore the underlying causes of
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
and propose an effective and practical solution.
To begin
Linking Words
with, one of the causes that
concerns
Change the verb form
concern
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
is the heap of data about irregular activities
while
Linking Words
playing.
This
Linking Words
means that
although
Linking Words
the youngest tried to commence, one of the causes that concern
parents
Use synonyms
is the heap of data about irregular activities
while
Linking Words
playing.
This
Linking Words
means that
although
Linking Words
the youngest tried to enjoy
games
Use synonyms
, they were confronted with harsh advertisements and comments.
Moreover
Linking Words
, one other aspect of violence
while
Linking Words
streaning
Correct your spelling
streaming
is the abusive language or words that affect the minds of their kids.
For instance
Linking Words
, the ferocity of playing online has grabbed the attention of many children. Japan
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
made the top list to address
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. A viable solution is to spend more time with their offspring and make proper schedules.
This
Linking Words
will result in less brutality shown in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
Use synonyms
. Another
problem
Use synonyms
stemming from leisure activities is overwatching of TV.
This
Linking Words
refers to the fact that whatever was seen by adults, they tried to imitate it, not knowing what the outcome would be after watching TV,
whereas
Linking Words
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
, especially mothers, often watch dramas or series that
also
Linking Words
influence the mind of their child. India is considered the longer producer of harsh acts and stunts in their dramas or
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
movies. To tackle
this
Linking Words
issue, producer companies might need to reduce the ongoing action stunts that may
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
. By implementing
this
Linking Words
, we can control the effect before it is seen by children with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
naked eye.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
problem
Use synonyms
of spending energy
while
Linking Words
playing requires immediate attention and action. By adopting the proposed solution of reducing actions and making a proper schedule for their kids, we can successfully tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
with iron hands.
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. The main points are not well-developed and the essay does not fully address the prompt.
Task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are vague and do not effectively summarize the essay. The main points need to be better supported with relevant examples and explanations.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: