Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation

It is evident that in recent years, our society has become heavily dependent on

computer

technology

in various fields

such

as communication, medicine, and transportation.

While

some may argue that

this

trend has resulted in negative consequences, I strongly believe that

through

Change preposition

apply

show examples

advancements in communication and medicine, it has brought incredible benefits to people around the world. First and foremost,

computer

technology

has made maintaining long-distance relationships much easier. Gone are the days when receiving a letter from a beloved would take several days. Nowadays, couples can communicate and even visually connect through seamless video calls, simply with the touch of a button.

While

some may argue that physical affection

such

as hugs

are

Change the verb form

show examples

absent through

this

technology

, I contend that the ability for real-time connection obviates any other drawbacks.

Furthermore

, the

computer

data processing system has made an unprecedented improvement in medicine. With electronic medical records, doctors can now access a patient's complete medical history, enabling them to make more informed decisions about their treatment. Patients can

also

get their health checked without physically visiting surgeries, making it more time-efficient for both health providers and patients.

While

I admit that the vulnerability of

this

information to theft is a valid concern, implementing robust security software can effectively mitigate

this

issue.

Similarly

computer

technology

has greatly benefited the transportation sector as well.

Travelers

Change the spelling

Travellers

show examples

can now book their tickets online, eliminating the need to queue for ticket collection. nowadays, if a backpacker wants to travel to the other side of the world, they can easily

check-in

Correct your spelling

check in

show examples

online from the comfort of their own home.

Also

resorting

Change preposition

by resorting

show examples

to GPS and other navigation tools, they can easily find their best route avoiding potential traffic congestion and other impediments. In conclusion, our dependence on

computer

technology

has made communication with loved ones and medical professionals easier and

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

more convenient. In my opinion,

this

has greatly improved our quality of life.

Submitted by sheenasedeno on Wed Nov 15 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introduction clearly states the writer's position and the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should also provide a succinct summary of the main ideas presented in the essay.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is effective, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive overview of the essay's main arguments and position.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points. However, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

task achievement

Ensure that the response is complete and directly addresses all aspects of the essay prompt. The writer should also aim for a more comprehensive development of ideas by expanding on the supporting examples provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

317 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

More and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in a foreign country. Do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks?

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific world, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The exploration and development of safe alternatives to fossil fuels should be the most important global priority today. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.