IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Crime rate,in most countries ,is often higer in urban areas than in rural areas .why do you think that is?what can be done to reduce the problem

#crime #rate #countries #higer #areas
It is a fact that the crime rate in most countries is higher in
cities
 than in villages. There are several reasons for
such
 a situation, and
also
 a few visible influences . Both aspects are explained in the ensuing paragraphs. Discussing the reasons, the most common one is population.
This
 is because
cities
 have almost all kinds of facilities available which are needed in daily life routines
such
 as shopping malls, and places to work
in addition
 to earning a living. The other cause is fewer social people in urban areas than in rural areas. By
this
, I mean that most people in
cities
 spend time at home to work and do not make a lot of friends around as compared to villages.
Furthermore
, VIllgers get together if anyone tries to do any crime in their place. The mentioned causes can be overcome by doing some of the work in
cities
. The foremost step to reduce the problem is increasing the number of police officers in the town to manage
such
 a great amount of population.
In addition
, the fact that if there are more people in
cities
 more police officers need to be joined is
also
 logical.
Moreover
, security cameras can be installed in less populated areas where crime is often suspected.
Thus
to conclude
 the discussion, it can be
finally
 said that despite the issue of more population in
cities
 rather than villages, hiring new police officers and installing security cameras are logically acceptable.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to ensure a better flow of ideas and arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be developed more effectively to provide a better overview of the essay's content.
coherence cohesion
The main points need to be supported with stronger and more relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete, and the ideas presented should be developed more comprehensively.
task achievement
The presented ideas are somewhat clear, but they could be further developed to provide a more thorough and comprehensive analysis.
task achievement
The examples provided are somewhat relevant, but they should be more specific and further developed to support the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: