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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Take a look at the graphics and complete the task. The charts show the qualities employers and employees think are important in job seekers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Take a look at the graphics and complete the task. The charts show the qualities employers and employees think are important in job seekers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
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The pie graph displays the most important skills of applicants that will be able to
getting
Change the verb
get
show examples
 a job and the bar chart illustrates what qualities are mentioned in job
adverts
Use synonyms
 that employers want from candidates.
Overall
Linking Words
, the education of the candidate is the most crucial
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 compared to other requirements, and references are only insignificantly important.
According to
Linking Words
adverts
Use synonyms
, most employers seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an organised team members
Correct the article-noun agreement
organised team members
an organised team member
show examples
rather than innovative individuals. The proportion of education
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applicants
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 almost 40%,
being
Wrong verb form
which is
show examples
 the most important
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 by far.
While
Linking Words
 work experience is just above a quarter, technical skills are nearly a quarter. The enthusiasm and passion is 7% which is slightly higher than the proportion of references by 3%. In
adverts
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, it is promoted that employers looking for different qualities
such
Linking Words
 as organised and motivated employees over innovative and passionate individuals. "Organised"
mentioned
Add a missing verb
was mentioned
show examples
around
Change preposition
in around
show examples
 100
thousand
Use synonyms
adverts
Use synonyms
, being the most advertised words,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
followed by "communication skills" and "motivation"
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 above
60
Change preposition
than 60
show examples
thousand
Use synonyms
 advertisements. "Qualification", "flexibility", "degree", "commitment", and "
passionate
Replace the word
passion
show examples
" are mentioned
Change preposition
in between
show examples
between
Change preposition
in between
show examples
 60 and 40
thousand
Use synonyms
adverts
Use synonyms
. "Track record" and "innovative" are only involved in approximately 40
thousand
Use synonyms
adverts
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words adverts, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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