it is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages؟
At
Change preposition
In
present
modern and competitive world, one should take higher Correct article usage
the present
risk
either Fix the agreement mistake
risks
into
their professional or personal Change preposition
in
lives
to be successful in careers
or achieve higher Correct pronoun usage
their careers
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
into
personal Change preposition
in
lives
. In my perspective, the benefits of taking risks
and deny
the disadvantages Wrong verb form
denying
is outweigh
more than doing nothing and Change the verb form
outweigh
lives
in comfort zones. In Wrong verb form
living
this
essay, I will illustrate both the merits and demerits of taking one step ahead into professional and personal lives
and give my opinion. To commence with the benefits of taking risks
or put
ourselves out of Wrong verb form
putting
comfort
zones. Correct pronoun usage
our comfort
Firstly
, as a human beings
, we are obsessed and passionate about doing something adventurous and innovative to Correct the article-noun agreement
human beings
a human being
build
our Verb problem
make
life
more peaceful and comfortable Fix the agreement mistake
lives
since
many years by taking various Change preposition
for
risks
. Secondly
, nowadays, with the technology explosion and globalization, people are competing with each other in every Fix the agreement mistake
field
fields
.Fix the agreement mistake
field
Thus
, to stand and prove yourself unique among all individuals is more necessary than just living a normal life
. Hence
, taking various risks
such
as leaving your home country and start
a new Wrong verb form
starting
life
in completely
different place to build Add an article
a completely
bright
future for yourself and your family is Correct article usage
a bright
a
worth taking Correct article usage
apply
risks
. Also
, many folks like to take risks
by purchasing a house or invest
money Wrong verb form
investing
in
Change preposition
at
early
Correct article usage
an early
ages
in different Fix the agreement mistake
age
finanance
Correct your spelling
financial
world
is worth Fix the agreement mistake
worlds
for
future retirement Correct pronoun usage
it for
life
. Furthermore
, though
there are huge disadvantages Correct word choice
apply
for
Change preposition
to
taking
immature Correct your spelling
making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
by
lack of education or Change preposition
due to
for
other Change preposition
to
peer's pressures
. Sometimes, people will not Change noun form
peers
able
Add a missing verb
be able
handle
the stress and anxiety after Fix the infinitive
to handle
the
failed big decisions and Correct article usage
apply
eneded
up in suicide or Correct your spelling
end
hacking
many psychological or physiological health issues. Verb problem
having
Also
, there are many families are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
splits
up and marriages Wrong verb form
split
failed
Wrong verb form
fail
due to
unnnscessary
or immature Correct your spelling
unnecessary
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
into
personal Change preposition
in
lives
. In conclusion, as a human and living in a community, one should take risks
to to
live happily and be successful in terms of careers or families.Remove the redundancy
apply
Submitted by bhavsar.urvashi on
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coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. Consider creating a clear introduction, a well-defined body with distinct paragraphs for each point, and a concise conclusion summarizing the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more effective. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your position, and the conclusion should reiterate your main points and stance without introducing new information.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported, but the support could be strengthened with more relevant examples and clearer explanations to demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
While the response addresses the topic, it does not fully answer the question. Make sure to directly respond to whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and provide a clear opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented need to be clearer and more comprehensive. This can be achieved by organizing thoughts more logically, using topic sentences, and providing explanations that connect back to the thesis.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is limited and they are not effectively integrated into the argument. Introduce examples that are directly related to the topic and clearly illustrate the points being made.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion