IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that excessive use of mobile phones and computers badly affects teenagers’ writing and reading skills. Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your opinion.

#people #phones #computers #teenagers’ #skills
Most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people suggest that more usage of Electronic gadgets
such
 as
phone
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phones
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, laptops or
computers
are having
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has
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negative
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a negative
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 effect on
Kids
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Kids'
Kid's
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life
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lives
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, which is
also
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
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 their study skills. I'd consider my opinion partially with
this
 statement. First of all, Phones and
computers
 are having
big
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a big
show examples
 impact on human lives no matter what age. I think
life
 is much easier with
usage
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the usage
show examples
 of phones.
For instance
, it's much easier to visit new places through Google
maps
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Maps
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 on phones. We can reach
at
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apply
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any destination at any
time
.
Secondly
,
computers
 are
also
 playing
significant
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a significant
show examples
 role in today's era. I'd like to consider that we can
also
 carry out work
life
 with us all the
time
 with the help of
computers
.
On the other hand
, the
over usage
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overuse
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 of electronic
equipments
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equipment
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is
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are
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is
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also
 giving
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a hard
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hard
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a hard
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time
 to the parents of teenagers.
Due to
this
 big complexion, kids do not pay attention to their reading, writing and listening skills which is
also
 affecting their study
life
.
Furthermore
,
Childerns
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children
does
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do
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 not like to spend
time
 on social and physical activities
due to
 excessive use of mobiles and laptops.
In contrast
, Parents can only improve their
kids
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kid's
kids'
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 skills by having control
on
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over
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stuff
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the stuff
show examples
 that they watch on these gadgets. They can guide them to take
a
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apply
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good advantage of
phone
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phones
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 and
computers
such
 as by teaching them how to save documents, how to make
presentation
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presentations
show examples
 through visual aids,
also
 how to do exercise at home.
Submitted by navbassi13 on

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task response
Your introduction provides an unclear stance on the topic, and it's crucial to have a thesis that clearly states your position. Your body paragraphs should also connect back to this thesis more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Transitions between ideas need more fluency. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that they use cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
lexical resource
Be vigilant of repetitive phrases and word choices. A wider range of vocabulary would strengthen the quality of the essay, as well as precise language to express your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation. Some sentences may run on or lack clarity. Aim for a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to showcase grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive use
  • impact
  • dependence
  • reduced attention span
  • engage
  • longer reading tasks
  • informality
  • digital communication
  • erode
  • formal writing
  • spelling skills
  • counterargument
  • enhances
  • access to vast resources
  • interactive learning tools
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
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