The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowdays
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Nowadays
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,
Effect
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the Effect
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Use synonyms
Media
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of Media
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towards
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People
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People's
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life
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lives
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is massive. There are
statement
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statements
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in
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apply
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regarding to
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Media’s
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Attention which is tend to Famous
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People
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People's
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lives than ordinary
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people
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people's
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lives. Honestly,
i
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I
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disagree about
this
Linking Words
quotation because
i
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I
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believe that both of them are equal in
term
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terms
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of
influence
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influencing
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society in
this
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modern century. In
this
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essay, we will
describing about
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describe
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how
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media’s
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concern
to affect
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affects
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to
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apply
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society
in
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on
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two sides.
Majority
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The majority
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of
some
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apply
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individuals always have
tendency
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a tendency
the tendency
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to follow
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the well
a well
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well known
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well-known
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person
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people
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.
Moreover
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, it
happen
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happens
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as nature because
people
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’s
habbit
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habit
habits
is indeed looking up to someone who
have
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has
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achieved
succeed
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success
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in term of career or even
financial
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finances
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.
For Example
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, in my hometown FakfaK In Indonesia,
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citizens
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citizen
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citizens
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in general always
update
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updated
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about information
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apply
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that
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the media’s
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Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
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media
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media’s
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media
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
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report
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reports
show examples
concerning Mamat Alkatiri who
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
Correct your spelling
a
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as
Correct your spelling
a
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public
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a public
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figure. On
other
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the other
show examples
hand,
story
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stories
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about common
people
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become another interesting issue that
people
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want to know from
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the mean
a mean
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mean
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means
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of
media
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.
Media
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could
gives
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give
show examples
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a report
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report
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reports
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about unfamous lives that attract
people
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’s energy to face
hard
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a hard
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life.
For instance
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, many real
story
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stories
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in my country Indonesia
which
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apply
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report about how common
people
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reach
point
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the point
a point
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that
other
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others
show examples
want with sophisticated travel. Apart from that, there
are
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is
show examples
negative information that
come
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comes
show examples
from
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the media’s
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media’s
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media
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news
such
Linking Words
as hedonism and bad attitude
whice
Correct your spelling
which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people
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should not
to
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apply
show examples
follow. In conclusion, I think it is literally
positif
Correct your spelling
positive
value if
Use synonyms
Media
Correct article usage
the Media
show examples
can be wise to balance
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the content
about
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apply
show examples
because
People
Use synonyms
will be empowered by success
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
which
is affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
and spirit as well which come from
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
media’s
Correct article usage
the media’s
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capture
about
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of
show examples
life
Add an article
the life
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of either well-known or ordinary person. Yet,
People
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also
Linking Words
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
the responbility
show examples
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to filter how information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they receive.
Submitted by muhammadluthfidzulfikar on

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lexical resource
The essay shows frequent grammatical errors and a limited range of vocabulary, which affects the clarity of the argument. It would benefit from proofreading and vocabulary enhancement.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the prompt, but a clearer stance throughout the essay would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logic and structure of the essay can be improved by presenting ideas more coherently and using cohesive devices effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains several spelling and punctuation errors. Attention to editing and correcting these would improve the readability.

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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