IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
Effect
Correct article usage
the Effect
show examples
Use synonyms
Media
Change preposition
of Media
show examples
 towards
Use synonyms
People
Change noun form
People's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is massive. There are
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regarding to
Use synonyms
Media’s
Use synonyms
 Attention which is tend to Famous
Use synonyms
People
Change noun form
People's
show examples
 lives than ordinary
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. Honestly,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree about
this
Linking Words
 quotation because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that both of them are equal in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
influence
Replace the word
influencing
show examples
 society in
this
Linking Words
 modern century. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will
describing about
Wrong verb form
describe
show examples
 how
Use synonyms
media’s
Use synonyms
 concern
to affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 two sides.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
individuals always have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
 to follow
Add an article
the well
a well
show examples
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 as nature because
people
Use synonyms
’s
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
habits
 is indeed looking up to someone who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 achieved
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in term of career or even
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
.
For Example
Linking Words
, in my hometown FakfaK In Indonesia,
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 in general always
update
Wrong verb form
updated
show examples
 about information
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
Change noun form
media
show examples
media’s
Change noun form
media
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 concerning Mamat Alkatiri who
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
 figure. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 about common
people
Use synonyms
 become another interesting issue that
people
Use synonyms
 want to know from
Add an article
the mean
a mean
show examples
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
show examples
 of
media
Use synonyms
.
Media
Use synonyms
 could
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
Add an article
a report
show examples
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 about unfamous lives that attract
people
Use synonyms
’s energy to face
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
, many real
story
Change to a plural noun
stories
show examples
 in my country Indonesia
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
report about how common
people
Use synonyms
 reach
point
Add an article
the point
a point
show examples
 that
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 want with sophisticated travel. Apart from that, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negative information that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
media’s
Change noun form
media
show examples
 news
such
Linking Words
 as hedonism and bad attitude
whice
Correct your spelling
which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
follow. In conclusion, I think it is literally
positif
Correct your spelling
positive
 value if
Use synonyms
Media
Correct article usage
the Media
show examples
 can be wise to balance
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the content
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because
People
Use synonyms
 will be empowered by success
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 which
is affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and spirit as well which come from
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
media’s
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
 capture
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of either well-known or ordinary person. Yet,
People
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
the responbility
show examples
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to filter how information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they receive.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

lexical resource
The essay shows frequent grammatical errors and a limited range of vocabulary, which affects the clarity of the argument. It would benefit from proofreading and vocabulary enhancement.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the prompt, but a clearer stance throughout the essay would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logic and structure of the essay can be improved by presenting ideas more coherently and using cohesive devices effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains several spelling and punctuation errors. Attention to editing and correcting these would improve the readability.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: