IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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,
Effect
Correct article usage
the Effect
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Media
Change preposition
of Media
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 towards
People
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People's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 is massive. There are
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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regarding to
Media’s
 Attention which is tend to Famous
People
Change noun form
People's
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 lives than ordinary
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives. Honestly,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 disagree about
this
 quotation because
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that both of them are equal in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
influence
Replace the word
influencing
show examples
 society in
this
 modern century. In
this
 essay, we will
describing about
Wrong verb form
describe
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 how
media’s
 concern
to affect
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affects
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to
Change preposition
apply
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society
in
Change preposition
on
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 two sides.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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individuals always have
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
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 to follow
Add an article
the well
a well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
Moreover
, it
happen
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happens
show examples
 as nature because
people
’s
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
habits
 is indeed looking up to someone who
have
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has
show examples
 achieved
succeed
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success
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 in term of career or even
financial
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finances
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.
For Example
, in my hometown FakfaK In Indonesia,
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 in general always
update
Wrong verb form
updated
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 about information
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
Change noun form
media
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media’s
Change noun form
media
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 concerning Mamat Alkatiri who
Add a missing verb
is as
show examples
Correct your spelling
a
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as
Correct your spelling
a
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public
Add an article
a public
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 figure. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
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 about common
people
 become another interesting issue that
people
 want to know from
Add an article
the mean
a mean
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mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
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 of
media
.
Media
 could
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
Add an article
a report
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report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 about unfamous lives that attract
people
’s energy to face
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
 life.
For instance
, many real
story
Change to a plural noun
stories
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 in my country Indonesia
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
report about how common
people
 reach
point
Add an article
the point
a point
show examples
 that
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 want with sophisticated travel. Apart from that, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negative information that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from
Correct article usage
the media’s
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media’s
Change noun form
media
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 news
such
 as hedonism and bad attitude
whice
Correct your spelling
which
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
people
 should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
follow. In conclusion, I think it is literally
positif
Correct your spelling
positive
 value if
Media
Correct article usage
the Media
show examples
 can be wise to balance
regarding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the content
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because
People
 will be empowered by success
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 which
is affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and spirit as well which come from
media’s
Correct article usage
the media’s
show examples
 capture
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of either well-known or ordinary person. Yet,
People
also
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
the responbility
show examples
responbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to filter how information
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they receive.
Submitted by muhammadluthfidzulfikar on

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lexical resource
The essay shows frequent grammatical errors and a limited range of vocabulary, which affects the clarity of the argument. It would benefit from proofreading and vocabulary enhancement.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the prompt, but a clearer stance throughout the essay would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logic and structure of the essay can be improved by presenting ideas more coherently and using cohesive devices effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains several spelling and punctuation errors. Attention to editing and correcting these would improve the readability.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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