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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
These charts together
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the average
consumimg
Correct your spelling
consumption
 percentage of three types
nutrients
Change preposition
of nutrients
show examples
 in typical meals in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of sodium, at
dinner
Use synonyms
 people took the most of it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
snacks
Add a comma
snacks,
show examples
 they adopted the minimum amount. As for
staurated
Correct your spelling
saturated
 fat in
dinner
Use synonyms
 and for added sugar in
snacks
Use synonyms
 people ate the most. On opposite in
Use synonyms
breakfast
Add a comma
breakfast,
show examples
 both of these
nutrients comsuming
Correct your spelling
nutrient-consuming
rate
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the lowest.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 first chart,
it showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 about eating
rate
Use synonyms
 of sodium. The highest
rate
Use synonyms
 of taking it was in
dinner
Use synonyms
 which is 45% and the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 was in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 ,the
rate
Use synonyms
 is 14% for both
meal
Change to a plural noun
meals
show examples
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 second chart
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 the percentages
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 saturated fat. People devoured 37% of it
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
 which is the apex
rate
Use synonyms
. On the
contra
Correct your spelling
contrary
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
breakfast
Add a comma
breakfast,
show examples
 they swallowed
this
Linking Words
 nutrient at
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 and the
rate
Use synonyms
 is 16%.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 chart is for added sugar. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of added
Correct your spelling
sugar
suger
Add a comma
suger,
show examples
 they took 45%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
 which was the highest
rate
Use synonyms
. On reverse , only 16% of added sugar was taken in
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 of taking
this
Linking Words
 nutrient.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dinner, breakfast, snacks, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average percentages
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • meal
  • typical meals
  • categories
  • high percentage
  • distribution
  • patterns
  • trends
  • nutrient-dense
  • data
  • comparison
  • summarize
  • reporting main features
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