IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? »You should write at least 250 words.

#people #society #differences #members #»you
In the modern era,
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a group
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group
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groups
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 of individuals believe the gap between
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the affulent
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affulent
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affluent
 and below
poverty
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the poverty
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 line should be minimal so that
joyful
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a joyful
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society
 can be
flurished
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flourished
. I agree with
this
 statement. My essay will provide details with examples.
To begin
 with, equal distribution of wealth is
important
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an important
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 aspect
for
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of
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 economic stability. If
accumulation
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the accumulation
an accumulation
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 of wealth
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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Add an article
the hand
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hand
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hands
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 of fewer individuals
then
 there are chances of
unstability
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instability
 in
society
 as
rich
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the rich
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 will take undue advantage of
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the weeker
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weeker
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weaker
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 section of
society
.
For example
, many reputed
business men
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businessmen
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 want to expand
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their business
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business
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their business
show examples
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horizons
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horizon
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horizons
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therefore
 their
continues
Wrong verb form
continued
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 efforts to purchase more land for
business
 expansion sometimes they
use
Verb problem
apply
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to cheat
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low-income
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low income
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low-income
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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group
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groups
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 by forcefully taking
thier
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their
 land
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at
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with
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at
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mininal
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minimal
 cost.
Therefore
 it is essential to bridge the gap between richer and poor sections and
authorites
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authorites'
authorite's
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 intervention is required so that underprivileged
section
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sections
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 of
society
 will not cheated by
affulent
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affluent
 persons. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 some efforts are made to reduce the gap between two sections of
society
,
however
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however,
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 individuals believe that sometimes it is good for
long term
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long-term
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business
 growth
prospective
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perspective
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.
For instance
,
report
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a report
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publised
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published
 in
corporate
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the corporate
a corporate
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 magazine, indicated that some shift in
thinking
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the thinking
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 process of modern
business
 as they are started dealing with corporate social
responsiblity
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responsibility
 and serving those who are in need through charity to
non government
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non-government
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organization
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organizations
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.
Therefore
, if
business
Add an article
the business
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 world is taking important steps to help and safeguard the requirement of
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the weeker
show examples
weeker
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weaker
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 section
then
 they should continue with
this
apporach
Correct your spelling
approach
 in future.
To conclude
,
satifaction
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satisfaction
 in
society
 can be achieved by reducing disparity in income
group
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groups
show examples
. Small efforts should be
incorported
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incorporated
 to promote
helping
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a helping
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 hand to those who are in need so that everyone in
society
 will be treated with respect and care.
Submitted by deep.amans86 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
It is not entirely clear how your main points support your thesis. Provide clearer topic sentences and develop your arguments with more specific details and examples.
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