IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree? »

#people #society #differences #members
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In the modern era,
Correct article usage
a group
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of individuals believe the gap between
Correct article usage
the affulent
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affulent
Correct your spelling
affluent
 and below
poverty
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the poverty
show examples
 line should be minimal so that
joyful
Correct article usage
a joyful
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society
Use synonyms
 can be
flurished
Correct your spelling
flourished
. I agree with
this
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 statement. My essay will provide details with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, equal distribution of wealth is
important
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an important
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 aspect
for
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of
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 economic stability. If
accumulation
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the accumulation
an accumulation
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 of wealth
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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Add an article
the hand
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hand
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hands
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 of fewer individuals
then
Linking Words
 there are chances of
unstability
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instability
 in
society
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 as
rich
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the rich
show examples
 will take undue advantage of
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the weeker
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weeker
Correct your spelling
weaker
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 section of
society
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.
For example
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, many reputed
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business men
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businessmen
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 want to expand
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Correct pronoun usage
their business
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business
Correct pronoun usage
their business
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
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horizon
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horizons
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therefore
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 their
continues
Wrong verb form
continued
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 efforts to purchase more land for
business
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 expansion sometimes they
use
Verb problem
apply
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to cheat
Add a hyphen
low-income
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low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 by forcefully taking
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 land
Change preposition
at
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with
Change preposition
at
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mininal
Correct your spelling
minimal
 cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is essential to bridge the gap between richer and poor sections and
authorites
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authorites'
authorite's
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 intervention is required so that underprivileged
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
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 of
society
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 will not cheated by
affulent
Correct your spelling
affluent
 persons. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 some efforts are made to reduce the gap between two sections of
society
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,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 individuals believe that sometimes it is good for
long term
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long-term
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business
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 growth
prospective
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perspective
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.
For instance
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,
report
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a report
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publised
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published
 in
corporate
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the corporate
a corporate
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 magazine, indicated that some shift in
thinking
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the thinking
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 process of modern
business
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 as they are started dealing with corporate social
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and serving those who are in need through charity to
non government
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non-government
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organization
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organizations
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.
Therefore
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, if
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
the business
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 world is taking important steps to help and safeguard the requirement of
Correct article usage
the weeker
show examples
weeker
Correct your spelling
weaker
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 section
then
Linking Words
 they should continue with
this
Linking Words
apporach
Correct your spelling
approach
 in future.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 in
society
Use synonyms
 can be achieved by reducing disparity in income
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. Small efforts should be
incorported
Correct your spelling
incorporated
 to promote
helping
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a helping
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 hand to those who are in need so that everyone in
society
Use synonyms
 will be treated with respect and care.
Submitted by deep.amans86 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Aim for a more sophisticated organization of ideas.
task achievement
It is not entirely clear how your main points support your thesis. Provide clearer topic sentences and develop your arguments with more specific details and examples.
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