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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

#children #amount #time #front #screens
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Many young teens have been spending long periods of
time
Use synonyms
 in front of screens.
This
Linking Words
 might be
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
some
Change preposition
by some
show examples
parents
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 who do not set
time
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limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 to play
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
parents
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 who have two jobs during the
day
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 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not at
home
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. Some problems that these might lead
are
Change preposition
to are
show examples
 that these young
children
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 might
sufffer
Correct your spelling
suffer
 from hyperactivity issues and isolation because they avoid
to talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 to people. One of the main causes of
children
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 spending several hours in front of screens is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 some
parents
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 do not worry
to set
Change preposition
about setting
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
, and let their
children
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
play all the
time
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 they want. If these
yound
Correct your spelling
young
sound
 adolescents do not take periods for rest, they might suffer from hyperactivity because they have a huge amount of physical energy
thta
Correct your spelling
that
 they did not use during the
day
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. Another cause of
this
Linking Words
 is that many of these
children
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 have
parents
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 who have two jobs during the
day
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 and they are absent, so
noone
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no one
 is at
home
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 to supervise these
children
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, In The United
States
Add a comma
States,
show examples
 most of the
parents
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 are not at
home
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 because the cost of living is expensive and
children
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 stay at
home
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 playing video games. One of the problems
this
Linking Words
 might lead
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
children
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 suffering from irritability because they get upset if someone
talk
Change the verb form
talks
show examples
 to them. More importantly, they avoid
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 around other adults because they are so
entretained
Correct your spelling
entertained
 playing games with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 kids online that it is difficult to talk to them. Another problem that
this
Linking Words
 might lead
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
 that some of these adolescents might suffer from isolation because they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 anti-social. in sum, if they
are not force
Change the verb form
are not forced
show examples
 to talk, they prefer to be in their rooms playing video games all
day
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 long. To illustrate my point, many
children
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 living in California have one or two
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
 at
home
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, and they stay in their little world by themselves because they
refused
Wrong verb form
refuse
show examples
 to talk with other people. In conclusion, nowadays many
children
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 spend
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 amount of
time
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 in front of screens because they have
abscents
Correct your spelling
absent
absents
parents
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 and have no
limit
Replace the word
limited
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to play, and
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 might lead to serious issues like being irritable
an
Replace the word
and
show examples
 isolated. If
this
Linking Words
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
changed
Change the verb form
change
show examples
, many adolescents might lose their ability to
commmunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with other people.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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