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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

What's the right age for parents to get their kids a cell phone? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#right #age #parents #kids #cell #phone
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In the modern world today where everyone has the access to latest technology irrespective of their
age
 or income, many
kids
 have a
cell
phone
 whether it is a necessity or not. Should there be a defined
age
 for
parents
 to get their children a mobile? In my view, there can be no correct
age
 for
kids
 to have a
cell
phone
.
Parents
 should be given the liberty to decide when is
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the right time to give their children a mobile
phone
.
Cell
phones
 are generally considered to be a bane to the world.
Kids
 can have access to the latest technology and information readily available on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 which might not be accessible in their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 environment. It can
also
 be an effective way of communication allowing the
parents
 to know where their
kids
 are. It is possible that with
phones
 children can explore endless opportunities which could eventually help them in their careers.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are a lot of negative impacts to the
phones
. They can be addictive, which would hinder their academic growth.
Cell
phones
 could
also
 be a distraction with texting or video games available. Easy access to information available could
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
 affect the thinking process and
forces
Correct subject-verb agreement
force
show examples
 us to rely on
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. Growing up I did not have a
cell
phone
 until I was of
age
 18. My
parents
 thought that was the right
age
 for me to have a
cell
phone
.
However
 now, with the world growing on technology,
kids
 below the
age
 of 18 could
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 more
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a mobile.
Although
parents
 could keep
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track of their kid's mobile usage and the applications they are spending their time on.
Submitted by usachalo24 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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