The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. (20 mins.)

#two #show #sales #sectors #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons #mins

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of 4 different groups product of retail in Canada that have been

sale

Replace the word

sold

show examples

through the internet website, comparing

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2005 and 2010.

Overall

, electronics and home furnishings decreased

after

Change preposition

apply

show examples

5 years later, whilst food and games increased. In terms of electronics and appliances reached the apex in the first year,

while

in 2010, they dropped around 5

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

, remaining approximately 30

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

However

, they still played

important

Add an article

an important

show examples

role

Change preposition

show examples

the online market.

In addition

, home furnishings declined 10

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

over 5 years period, from a quarter to 15

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

respectively.

In contrast

, food and beverage and video games had an upward trend. Food sored from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

third place, 22

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

in 2005 and jumped to the best seller in 2010.

Furthermore

, video games climbed gradually. Starting with the least kinds of selling product and rose to 23

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

at the end

of the time.

Submitted by writersdiary101 on Thu Nov 16 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percent with synonyms.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

150 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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