IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

#countries #people #areas
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A large number of individuals who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
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 in
Add an article
the country
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country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been moving to urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
of
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apply
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This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of the lack
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job
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of job
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opportunities
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 and
difficult
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difficulty
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to find
Change preposition
in finding
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 public
services
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such
Linking Words
 as
healt
Correct your spelling
health
, education and security. There are a number of
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 which should be implemented to deal with migration to the city.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main reason for moving to
city
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the city
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 is
finding
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to find
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
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 and
build
Wrong verb form
building
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 career by using huge
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, people living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
do
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 not a lot of choice to work because
of
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apply
show examples
the cities
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 developed industrial and trade networks.
Secondly
Linking Words
, There are several problems
abaout
Correct your spelling
with
 public
servcies
Correct your spelling
services
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
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that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of health, security and education systems which makes people move toward urban
Use synonyms
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
. There are two effective solutions to the problem of moving away from country
Use synonyms
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
. One way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 is to ensure that all people from rural
Use synonyms
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
 has enough
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity that
open
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opens
show examples
 to build
career
Add an article
a career
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 and sufficient income
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 live
quality
Correct article usage
a quality
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 life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
Use synonyms
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
area
. Another method of dealing with
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of public
services
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is investing and providing public
services
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. By doing
this
Linking Words
, it will help them to stay in the rural
areas
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 because they will have
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to work and public
services
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 to live
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
. In conclusion, the migration from rural to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 is driven by limited
job
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opportunities
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 and inadequate public
services
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. To address
this
Linking Words
, ensuring rural
job
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and improving public
services
Use synonyms
 are crucial steps.
Submitted by utkankorkmaz on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay lacked a clear structure which made it harder to follow.
task achievement
Work on developing your main points with more elaboration and clearer supporting details. Avoid making generalized statements without concrete examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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