IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Million of dollars are spent on space every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

#million #dollars #space #year #people #money #standards #earth
A large amount of money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 spent on
space
 per year, it is argued that they should spend money on
upgrade
Change the verb form
upgrading
show examples
 the living merits on Earth.
This
 writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement and will explain in the following essay. It is vital to understand that the knowledge we have about the entire enormous universe
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 very limited. In our lives, scientists are urged to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to information and materials that they could use for optimizing every process for
human
Change the noun form
humans
show examples
such
 as providing energy, food or water, indirectly it may
also
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the living standard on Earth. Outer
space
 is a big
mistery
Correct your spelling
mystery
 for us and an important aspect for the human race to have a brighter future.
Therefore
 we have to
piorotize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
space
 research to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 toward.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 it is true that there are lots of major problems that will threaten humankind and others, which will probably make us move out of
this
 green planet and find another one to live in. So, the scientists and governments are working on it. But it can be seen that the most effective way to solve those problems is
invest
Change the verb form
to invest
investing
show examples
 in the solutions for them
instead
 of finding how to throw away the troubles. In conclusion, many individuals think that millions of dollars should pay for
space
 out of the Earth .
However
, I agree with those who say that
this
 payment is essential to boost
ordinary
Correct article usage
the ordinary
show examples
 demands of citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents a central argument but requires a clearer stance and stronger development of ideas to fully satisfy the IELTS criteria.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weakened by unclear transitions and paragraph development. Consider using more distinct and organized paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your arguments. Specificity will strengthen the task response and make the essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using colloquial expressions or overly simple language. Work on varying your sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: