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Band 2.5

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people arge that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

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Astronomic investigations have been spent millions of dollars annually and many individuals object that those spending should be spent on improving Earth's living standards
instead
.
This
 author completely agrees with
this
 statement and will demonstrate why throughout
this
 essay. A valid point worth considering is that human lives are more crucial than
further
 investment in
space
 projects.In order to conduct effective research relating to astronomy, human resources are required as enhancing social facilities and amenities encourages a healthier lifestyle.Without these benefits, spending money on
space
investigation
 would likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be opposed by many authorities when human lives are in danger because of the insufficiency in
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
In addition
,
space
investigation
 does not hold
many
Rephrase
as many
show examples
 benefits as amending living qualities
beause
Correct your spelling
because
 focusing raises on many beneficial campaigns in improving human lifestyles makes the world a more desirable place to live for everybody
while
 spending money on
space
investigation
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to lead to failure as
space
 astronomy is a difficult aspect to research. In conclusion, spending on improving human life qualities is better than those used for astronomical
investigation
 as enhancing many individuals' lives shall lead to more benefits than researching from outer
space
Submitted by khoi11nk11e on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout. There is an attempt at structuring the essay with an introduction and conclusion, but they are not fully developed or clear. The main points are presented but not clearly supported or extended.
task achievement
The response addresses the task with an opinion, but the development of justification is limited. The essay provides viewpoints but lacks detailed explanation and relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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