Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
prices
of sugary
products
should be increased in order to prevent
people
Change preposition
from getting
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getting
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from getting
show examples
health problems.
This
essay completely agrees with
this
statement because
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing the
price
of
high sugar
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
products
,
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not be profitable for the consumers,
also
individuals
will be aware of how harmful these
products
are.
People
will be less willing to buy
produts
Correct your spelling
products
with high level
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
sugar if the
prices
of these
products
increases
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increase
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.
This
is because sugary
products
are only snacks, not
a
Correct article usage
apply
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normal meal, so is not profitable for
individuals
to spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
sweets,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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are bad for their health, than
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
products
such
as vegetables and rice which its cheap and provides sources of vitamins which keep their body healthy.
For instance
, Japan increased
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
of sweets and chocolate
since
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in
show examples
2019 which reduced sales of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
produts
Correct your spelling
product
products
in
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by
show examples
approximately 70%.
Individuals
are unaware
about
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of
show examples
how harmful are the
products
they consume. Normally, when
individuals
buy a product, they only think of the taste and the
price
. Sugary
products
are cheap to produce and
also
, sold at a low
price
, allowing many
people
to be able to afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Consuming
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
products
leads to many health problems, which they are not aware
until
Change preposition
of until
show examples
they go to the doctor.
For instance
, 50% of American adults are obese
due to
excessive consumption of sugary
products
, so increasing the
price
of these
products
, diabetes and obesity cases
will reduce
Verb problem
apply
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. In conclusion, increasing the
price
of
products
with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level of sugar will let
people
know
that is
not profitable to buy these
products
and allow
people
to know the damages that these goods
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
to their body,
therefore
, I believe, that the
prices
of the sugary
products
should be increased.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical arrangement of ideas throughout the essay to enhance the flow of information and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should be clear, concise, and effectively bookend the essay, summarizing your stance and the content of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear, relevant examples, and make sure they are well-explained to effectively argue your point of view.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task comprehensively, ensuring full coverage of the topic without irrelevant details or omissions.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas fully, providing a comprehensive analysis that supports your thesis and helps to persuade your reader effectively.
task achievement
Provide specific examples that directly support your argument. Make sure the examples are detailed and relevant to your point.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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