IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Eating too much fast
food
 causes a lot of health problems and numbers
are rapidly increase
Change the verb form
are rapidly increasing
show examples
 day by day in many
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
. Governments try to solve
this
 problem by imposing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
taxes
 on
this
kind
 of
food
. Since eating
junk
food
 has become
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of
addiction
 almost comparable to alcohol and drug
addiction
, I find
this
 solution not effective. The necessity of implementing high
taxes
 on fast
food
 might be very useless simply because people are more than ready to pay high prices when they become addicted to
junk
food
,
moreover
 even with the highest
taxes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
 is still comparably cheaper than fresh healthy produce.
Although
, it may lead to
consume
Change the verb form
consuming
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 less fast
food
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of the implementation of higher
taxes
,
but
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apply
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when people get used to a new price, they will continue to eat
junk
food
. Some study shows that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of
addiction
 similar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 drug or alcohol
addiction
. Once you become addicted to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
 nothing will stop you
to buy
Change preposition
from buying
show examples
 a new portion of burger and French fries. It happens because the majority of fast
food
have
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has
show examples
 a lot of sugar, fat and salt that makes
food
 tastier.
For example
, some European countries significantly decreased the prices
on
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of
show examples
 cigarettes, but it didn’t help to solve the problem
with
Change preposition
of
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 smoking. It
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 readily apparent that
implanting
Verb problem
implementing
show examples
 high
taxes
 cannot reduce the consumption of fatty and sugary
food
 items,
as well as
 smoking. In conclusion, it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
 that
this
kind
 of attempt like imposing high
taxes
 cannot solve the problem with consuming fast
food
. People are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 addicted to
junk
food
 because of
many
Correct article usage
the many
show examples
 unhealthy components in it and the expensive price will not stop them
to continue buy
Wrong verb form
from buying
show examples
 it.
Submitted by mnpv.prod on

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task achievement
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and shows a clear position. Your essay should introduce the topic of taxation on fast food and clearly state whether you agree or disagree with this measure.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should be logically organized with clear and distinct main paragraphs. Make use of cohesive devices to ensure that sentences and paragraphs are well connected and that the argument progresses logically.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. These examples should be directly relevant to the argument you are making and help to strengthen your position.
task achievement
You need to address both sides of the argument more fully. While you mainly focus on why taxation may not be effective, also consider and refute potential counter-arguments to demonstrate a more balanced view.
grammar
Check sentence structure for variety and complexity. Aim to include a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to show your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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