IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think government should spent money on languages that are dying and a few number of people uses them, some think this is a waste of resources. Discuss both views and tell what's your take on this issue.

#people #government #money #languages #think #waste #resources
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People have different views about the funding of dying
languages
.
While
 other people think
this
 is a kind of waste of money and resources. From my perspective , I believe that government support should be spent on other critical concerns. I will discuss both points of view and my own opinion in the following paragraphs. Trying to save a
country
's culture is an important thing in
this
 cutting-edge era. One of these crucial duties is to re-create old and at the same time endangered
languages
 which are
also
 not popular among individuals.
In other words
, preserving these dying
languages
 not only helps in the culture of society but
also
 is the best way to improve the identity of one
country
. In Iran,
for example
, the citizens who are located in the south are capable of speaking the oldest version of their mother tongue which is called Darri and it dates back to 2000 years ago in the time of the empire of Darius.
Therefore
, the government can include these
languages
 as mandatory courses in schools to keep up
this
 heritage.
On the other hand
, I can understand the arguments against government funding of dying
languages
. Meanwhile, the main reason for
this
 view is that the governments have more important concerns.
For instance
, state budgets need to be spent on educational purposes, healthcare, welfare and security and many other sites.
Furthermore
, these public services are vital for a
country
 to function properly.
Additionally
, nowadays, the common language worldwide is English and everyone is able to speak
this
 widespread language.
Hence
, the need to speak and conservation of old native
languages
 will dramatically decrease. From my point of view, I think for these reasons governments should focus on important things in comparison with trying to re-use dying
languages
. In conclusion, there are good reasons for countrymen to keep on culture and save them for their reputations and identity,
however
, I believe these assets of the
country
 should be spent in a way which leads to people's benefit.
Submitted by sh.sharifpour79 on

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task response
The essay should maintain a clear position throughout the response with a balance in discussing both views before stating your own opinion. Ensure that the introduction clearly paraphrases the prompt and sets out the structure of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas logically with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint, and make better use of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay. The introduction and conclusion should be distinct and effectively encapsulate the essay's main points and opinion.
lexical resource
To score higher, you need to demonstrate a wide range of vocabulary, avoid repetition and use synonyms effectively. Additionally, using less common and more precise vocabulary can enhance the lexical resource score.
grammatical range and accuracy
To improve your score in this regard, you should attempt to use a variety of complex sentence structures and demonstrate flexibility and accuracy in your use of grammar. Pay attention to sentence construction and punctuation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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