IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

the frequency of people in the USA eating in fast food restaurants over a period of 10 years from 2003 to 2013.

#frequency #people #usa #food #restaurants #period #years
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The given bar chart illustrates the
frequency
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 of people in the USA eating in fast food restaurants over a period of 10 years from 2003 to 2013.
Overall
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, the largest
proportion
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 of
frequency
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 was the third and the fourth
frequency
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whereas
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 the smallest
proportion
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 of
frequency
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 was the
first
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 and
last
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frequency
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. In terms of the three largest proportions, the
proportion
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 of the third
frequency
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 (once a week) and the second
frequency
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 (several times a week) had a similar trend. They started at just above 30% and just over 15%, respectively, before rising slightly by roughly 3% in 2006 and dropping moderately to roughly 27% and around 16%, respectively in the final
year
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. The fourth
frequency
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’s
proportion
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 stood at exactly 30% before experiencing a significant drop to 25% from 2003 to 2006 and hitting a peak of roughly 33% in 2013. Regarding the three smallest proportions, the
first
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 and
last
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frequency
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 had similar trends but the
first
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proportion
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 was slightly lower than the
last
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. They started at roughly 4% and exactly 5%, respectively, in the
first
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year
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, and they dropped slightly by roughly 1% in 2006 and remained stable until the final
year
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. The fifth
frequency
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 (a few times a
year
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) started at roughly 13% in 2003 before increasing slightly to 15% in 2006 and 2013.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction/conclusion
The essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Make sure to include an introductory sentence that paraphrases the prompt and a conclusion that summarizes the main trends or conclusions.
supporting details
Main points need to be supported with more detailed analysis of the data and clear comparisons between the different frequencies. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and expand on it with specific details.
task response
While the response addresses the prompt, it fails to cover all aspects comprehensively. Emphasize the changes over the entire period and describe the overall trend more clearly to meet the task requirements fully.
cohesion
The use of cohesive devices is sparse and could be enhanced to improve the logical flow of the essay. Include a wider range of conjunctions and linking phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
lexical resource
Include a wider variety of vocabulary specifically related to describing trends and frequencies. This enhances the precision and accuracy of the description.
grammatical range
Aim to use a wider range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and different verb tenses where appropriate, to convey information and comparisons accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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