IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk
The given bar chart illustrates the results of statistical data about the several categories
age
 to spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 consumer needs
such
 as Food and Drink,
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
, and
Entertaiment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 in the UK by 2004.
Overall
, it can clearly be seen that the Food and Drink needs
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
incerease
Correct your spelling
increase
increased
age
 by
age
.
In contrast
, the total amount for
Restaurant
 and
Hotel
 almost decrease for each getting older.
Furthermore
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Entertaiment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost decreased
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each getting older. In terms of the consumer needs by several categories,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the highest
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Food and Drink categories; were start from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximately 7 per
cent
 and
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 to 13 per
cent
, 17 per
cent
, 20 per
cent
, and 23 per
cent
 for
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 under 30, aged
range
 30 to 41, aged from 46 until 60, aged
range
 61 until 75, and aged more than 76, respectively.
In addition
, the amount for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 needs
also
 had
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 from 7 per
cent
 to 23 per
cent
 in
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 aged 61 to 75.
Nevertheless
, the total of spending
money
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged more than 76 had
decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 13 per
cent
. Regarding the decreased number of spending
money
 for consumer
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
such
 as
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
. Meanwhile, the
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
Hotels
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuative bar charts,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the data
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 14 per
cent
 for
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 under 30 and as the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 get older until aged
range
 61 to 75 decreased to 3 per
cent
.
On the other hand
, the aged more than 76
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 interested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
, where the consequence they
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 to 7 per
cent
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 amount of
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
show examples
 expenditure.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, money, restaurant, hotel, cent, range with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼

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