IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar chart illustrates the results of statistical data about the several categories
age
Use synonyms
 to spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 consumer needs
such
Linking Words
 as Food and Drink,
Use synonyms
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
Use synonyms
, and
Entertaiment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
 in the UK by 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the Food and Drink needs
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
incerease
Correct your spelling
increase
increased
age
Use synonyms
 by
age
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the total amount for
Restaurant
Use synonyms
 and
Hotel
Use synonyms
 almost decrease for each getting older.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Entertaiment
Correct your spelling
Entertainment
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost decreased
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each getting older. In terms of the consumer needs by several categories,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the highest
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 was
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Food and Drink categories; were start from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximately 7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 to 13 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
, 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
, and 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 under 30, aged
range
Use synonyms
 30 to 41, aged from 46 until 60, aged
range
Use synonyms
 61 until 75, and aged more than 76, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the amount for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 needs
also
Linking Words
 had
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 from 7 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 aged 61 to 75.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the total of spending
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged more than 76 had
decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 13 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Regarding the decreased number of spending
money
Use synonyms
 for consumer
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the
Use synonyms
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
Hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
Hotels
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuative bar charts,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the data
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 under 30 and as the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 get older until aged
range
Use synonyms
 61 to 75 decreased to 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the aged more than 76
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
 interested
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
Restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
Restaurants
show examples
 and
Hotel
Use synonyms
, where the consequence they
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 to 7 per
cent
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 amount of
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
show examples
 expenditure.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, money, restaurant, hotel, cent, range with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: