IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #tax #food
The
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
pursuade
Correct your spelling
persuade
people
 to start consuming healthy
food
 by increasing tax on the junk
food
. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
implemanting
Correct your spelling
implementing
 that idea could increase the quality of health of the
people
 and I will explore the arguments through
this
 essay. On the one side, the popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
foods
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can bring
fruther
Correct your spelling
further
 public health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. There are some drawbacks of
consumsing
Correct your spelling
consuming
 unhealthy
foods
such
 as obesity problems and
food
 waste.
For example
, weeks ago a local newspaper
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reported
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 fatality of a
nine year-old
Add a hyphen
nine-year-old
show examples
 kid because of obesity, having
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 consumption lifestyle was one of the
caused
Replace the word
causes
show examples
.
In addition
, the government
also
 needs to handle waste problems as the number of take away
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
been
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased. On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 side,
people
 need the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 to publish
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 policy
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 adding tax on unhealthy
food
.
People
 might start to think twice before consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
foods
 because of considering the
food
 price. The policy
make
Change the form of the verb
makes
show examples
 should
also
considering
Change the verb form
consider
be considering
show examples
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 a healthy
food
 campaign
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society ,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 a healthy
food
 weekly bazaar with
afforadable
Correct your spelling
affordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 for the
people
. Unhealthy
food
 is
undeniable
Add an article
an undeniable
show examples
 problem for modern society, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should increase tax on it and attract
people
 to start consuming healthy
foods
.
Submitted by ryanrush16 on

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Introduction
While you present an opinion, your essay lacks a clear introduction outlining the topic and your stand. Including a thesis statement and a roadmap of your arguments would significantly improve coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by using a range of linking words and clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce main points.
Task Achievement
Include a wider variety of specific examples to support your arguments. Drawing upon statistics, studies, and real-life situations will add weight to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: