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Band 1.5

In a number of countries ,some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railways lines for very fast friends between cities .others believe the money should be spend on improving existing public transport.

#countries #people #sums #money #railways #lines #friends #cities #transport
In
this
 contemporary era,
due to
 the growth of urban areas, the number of extinct species is rapidly growing.
Thus
, it is necessary that relevant measures are taken to protect these
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
. The following essay will discuss the advantages of
this
 protection
as well as
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 duty regarding
this
 problem. In
this
 contemporary era,
due to
 the growth of urban areas, the number of extinct species is rapidly growing.
Thus
, it is necessary that relevant measures are taken to protect
these animal
Change the determiner
this animal
these animals
show examples
. The following essay will discuss the advantages of
this
 protection
as well as
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 duty regarding
this
 problem.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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task response
The essay does not address the given topic, which is a fundamental error in the IELTS Writing Task. Ensure that your essay strictly adheres to the topic provided and answers the question directly. In this case, you have written about protecting extinct animals instead of discussing the investment in railways or public transport improvements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a coherent structure and does not develop a logical argument. It is essential to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea that is expanded with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
You have replicated the introduction which indicates a major issue with coherence. Avoid repeating entire sentences or paragraphs. Your essay needs to progress by introducing new ideas and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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