IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists found that most crimes are committed by people who lack education. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to provide prisoners with education because it will help them find a job when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#scientists #crimes #people #lack #education #crime #rate #prisoners #job #prison
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Nowadays, there is a growing concern over the increasing
crime
rate
, some
people
 think
people
 without
education
 commit
crimes
,
while
 others are inclined to think
education
 will help prisoners get a job after serving time and avoid committing
crimes
 again. Personally, I partly agree with it. Low
education
 is an account of
people
 committing
crimes
 to sustain basic life. Jails could provide some basic vocational skills training to make criminals reintegrate into society. Amount of laborious career needs exist in the community, like pumping, electrician, delivery and cleaner. If offenders could have a livelihood skill, it would reduce the possibility of
crime
 again. But some prisoners who offered server
crimes
 like murder, rape and robbery, shouldn't be forgiven and be released.
People
 with bad personalities will threaten the public, leading to an unstable society and chaos. Unforgiven actions should accept permanent punishments. Severe laws will warn offers who try to jump the edge of laws. It is
also
 a good way to control the
crime
rate
. The other channel of reducing the
crime
rate
 is to do more publicity. Some
people
 touch the law because of ignorance. Young adults steal, drunk to drive and cheat because they are murky with clauses. Administer should reinforce the press briefings, newspaper articles or law
education
 in schools to let as much
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the public realize the clear morals. I agree
education
 is a good way to reduce the
crime
rate
, but some exceptions can't.
In addition
, publicity does become an important channel to help sustain the peace of society.
Submitted by 569052179 on

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task achievement
Make sure that the introduction briefly outlines the main points of your argument and clearly states your position on the topic. The essay lacked a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Your main points should be explicitly connected to your overall argument. Avoid making generic statements that do not directly support your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea with examples and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs and sentences to improve logical flow. The use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonymy, and pronouns can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors as they can detract from the professionalism of your essay and can confuse your reader.
task achievement
Include more relevant, detailed and specific examples to support your argument and provide evidence for your claims. This can make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Recidivism: The tendency of a convicted criminal to reoffend.
  • Gainful employment: Work that provides a decent wage and a stable income.
  • Self-worth: The sense of one's own value or worth as a person.
  • Stigmas: Social disapproval often leading to discrimination.
  • Holistic rehabilitation: Comprehensive treatment addressing the overall well-being of an individual.
  • Punitive measures: Actions intended to punish, rather than rehabilitate, someone.
  • Root causes: Fundamental reasons for a problem.
  • Social reintegration: Process of re-entering society and resuming one's role within it.
  • Law-abiding: Obeying and respecting the law.
  • Employable: Having the required skills and qualifications to get a job.
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