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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.

The table below shows information and predictions regarding the change in percentage of the population aged 65 and above in three countries.
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The following table provides data on the variation in the number of people aged above 65 in 1988
an
Correct your spelling
and
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 2000 and future estimations for the year 2030 in
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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. In an
overall
Linking Words
 context, an increment in
65
Correct article usage
the 65
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 aged above population
were
Change the verb form
was
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 noticed from 1988 to 2000 and it is predicted that the figures will surge in 2030 in all three countries.
Germany
Use synonyms
 is
at
Change preposition
in
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 the leading position among the other countries.
Examing
Correct your spelling
Examine
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 the details, the percentages for
target
Add an article
the target
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 group in
Canada
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 were 16.32 in 1988 and reached 20.67 in 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
increasing
Wrong verb form
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the proportion for
Canada
Use synonyms
 to 26.35 is forecasted in 2030.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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amidst
Change preposition
among
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 other governments
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest
for
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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percentages of old aged people in 1988 and 2000, representing 14.23 and 14.89 per cent respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is assumed that the figures for
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 will have soared to 20.35 per cent in 2030 . Shifting the focus to
Germany
Use synonyms
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 witnessed 20.45 and 25.32 per cent in 1988 and 2000, which were the highest results
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Canada
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.
Also
Linking Words
, there are predictions that
Use synonyms
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
 will hit a high of 30.42 in 2030.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, germany, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage change
  • population
  • aged 65 and above
  • information
  • table
  • data
  • trends
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • predicted
  • future
  • findings
  • comment
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