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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #punishment #crimes
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Death
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 penalty should be given to hard-core
criminals
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 who are
ant-social
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anti-social
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 elements.
On the other hand
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, one can say that
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death
Correct article usage
the death
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sentence
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 is not the only solution to any
crime
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 committed but
also
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 the heinous
criminals
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 could be brought to justice by sentencing them for
life
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imprisonment
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.
This
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 essay examines the advantages and disadvantages of awarding a
person
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 with a
death
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sentence
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 who wronged
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To begin
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 with, a
sentence
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 of
life
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 in prison is disproportionate to the capital
crime
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.The wrongdoers who commit heinous
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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such
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 as homicide, vandalism so on and so forth should not be shown any mercy and should be punished seriously. It is equally important to consider the seriousness of the illegal activity committed by the offender and
also
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 punishing hard-core
criminals
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 with
death
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Use synonyms
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
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 would
also
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 create awareness among the citizens making them think twice before indulging in any serious offence knowingly or unknowingly. To cite an example, terrorists who are anti-social elements spreading terror in a country or
world-wide
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worldwide
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 hanged
till
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to
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death
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 ,
will
Correct pronoun usage
which will
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 not only be an eye-opener to the other
people
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 who want to indulge in serious and heinous crimes.
Therefore
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 , capital punishment is necessary for the
people
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 based on the
crime
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 committed .
People
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 who are petty thieves to survive must be remanded in prisons and be given an opportunity to lead an honest
life
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Secondly
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, capital punishment is the ultimate denial of human rights when implemented.Not all human beings are born
criminals
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. Situations and circumstances make them an anti-social element. Some
people
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 to sustain themselves in the present competitive world, indulge in petty crimes
such
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 as shoplifting and robbing.
In addition
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, unemployment in all walks of
life
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also
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 plays a spoilsport and
tempting
Wrong verb form
tempts
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people
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 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 wrong decisions. To demonstrate;
people
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 living below the poverty line are promised greener pastures in the urban areas and are victimised to thieving to sustain themselves with basic necessities
such
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 as food and shelter. In continuation,
such
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 small convicts can be remanded and be provided with employment opportunities reducing the
crime
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 rate. Convicting a
person
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 with capital punishment or
imprisonment
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 should be imposed looking into various parameters
such
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 as the type of
crime
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 committed and the frequency of the illegal activity committed.
Last
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 but not
the
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apply
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least, one should not judge a book by its cover. Keeping in mind the age of the criminal and the type of
crime
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 committed , the judicial custody should determine whether to
sentence
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 the
person
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 with
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death
Correct article usage
a death
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 warrant or
life
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imprisonment
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 to make the offender understand the effect of a
crime
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 on the victim. To put it in a nutshell, as the saying goes a coin has both
the
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apply
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sides,
likewise
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 sentencing a
person
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 with
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death
Correct article usage
a death
show examples
 warrant or
life
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imprisonment
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 depends on the
crime
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 committed.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, it's important to ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to another. Your essay suffers slightly from abrupt transitions and could greatly benefit from more cohesive devices and a clearer logical progression of ideas. Adequate paragraphing is present, but there should be clear linkages between them.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your response is somewhat complete but could have been strengthened by directly addressing the prompt more explicitly throughout the essay. Ensure that all components of the prompt are addressed and that you maintain a clear position throughout your response. Providing more specific examples to support arguments would also enhance your score in this area as the examples given are a bit generic and do not support the arguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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