Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made mo expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In many countries
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
people
love to eat sweet food
and also
love sweet drinks
. Several types of food
and soft drinks
contain a large quantity of Sugar
, which give
us Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
diseas
. Correct your spelling
diseases
That products
Correct determiner usage
Products
which
made of Correct pronoun usage
apply
high
Add an article
the high
a high
amount
of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
sugar
should be costly to tell the
Correct article usage
apply
people
to use
minimum sugar
. The given statment
Correct your spelling
statement
is illustrate
Wrong verb form
illustrates
about
the phenomenon that how we save our community Change preposition
apply
to
Change preposition
by using
use
sugar
and also
can save many diseases. In this
Correct your spelling
discussion
disquistion
I will Add a comma
disquistion,
dicuss
my point of view and Correct your spelling
discuss
also
forthcoming paragraph will clear
my point of view.
Replace the word
clarify
Fist
and Correct your spelling
First
formast
,the Correct your spelling
foremost
food
and drinks
which contain lots of sugar
, we should avoid these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
things
.
Sometimes it is not good for our health
and give
Verb problem
causes
health
issues such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
as
in Pakistan most individuals consume a huge amount of sugary foods and Change preposition
apply
also
Rephrase
apply
drinks
which cause many health
diseases like fat and also
diabetes.Rephrase
apply
The
Correct article usage
People
people
who eat sweet food
they
suffer young age from diabetes and Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
disease is harmful for
our Change the preposition
to
body
.Some of the time it Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
cause
weight gain Change the verb form
causes
while
others abruptly take weight loss moreover
,when it is out of control we have to use
insulin to prevent this
disease that's why we should not use
of
sugary products but only for taste.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
,some people
say that sugary foods should be sale
high prices Correct your spelling
sold at
then
Correct word choice
so then
people
will be avoiding
these Wrong verb form
avoid
things
but I think one more thing that add
Change the verb form
adds
this
enigma, Change preposition
to this
we
should Add a missing verb
is we
aware
our societies that if they consume lots of Add a missing verb
be aware
sugar
,they can suffer different health
problems and also
told them that its consequences are worse.Some nations are awared
Correct your spelling
awarded
aware
in
Change preposition
of
this
situation for example
,in China people
do not use
lot
of sweets because they Change the article
a lot
aware
in Add a missing verb
were aware
early
decades that's why Chinese Correct article usage
the early
people
more active and fit rather
than other nations.Rephrase
apply
Hence
,we should spread awareness by
Change preposition
at
global
level that we should Add an article
the global
a global
minimal
consumption of Replace the word
minimise
sugar
our
children.
Change preposition
for our
To
conclusion,we should Change preposition
In
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
our
new generation Change preposition
of our
that
they Correct pronoun usage
apply
use
of
sugary Change preposition
apply
things
minimum
and should print pumflit and Correct word choice
apply
also
learnt
Correct your spelling
learn
in
school and college level.If they Change preposition
at
use
these things
and drinks
they suffer serious diseases that their whole life spoil
.I Correct subject-verb agreement
spoils
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
statement that we should not eat much
sugary foods.Change the quantifier
many
Submitted by rs55169611 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay's logical structure is difficult to follow owing to frequent grammatical errors and unclear sentence construction. Work on developing clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea. A logical progression of ideas is crucial for higher coherence and cohesion scores.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, they lack clarity and direct responses to the task statement. Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the prompt and your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not well-supported. Each paragraph must include specific details or examples that directly relate to the main point being discussed. To improve, focus on expanding your ideas and providing evidence or examples to support those ideas.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete; the essay does not fully address the question of whether sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage reduced consumption. Make sure to directly address the prompt and provide a balanced argument.
task achievement
Ideas are unclear and lack comprehensive detail. Improve by expressing your points in a more structured way and clarifying your opinions. Use paragraphs effectively to organize thoughts and provide detailed support for each point made.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples. Examples are crucial for illustrating your points and reinforcing your arguments. To improve your score, incorporate more concrete examples and data where appropriate.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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