IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made mo expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #mo #people
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In many countries
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 love to eat sweet
food
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 love sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
. Several types of
food
Use synonyms
 and soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 contain a large quantity of
Sugar
Use synonyms
, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us
diseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
That products
Correct determiner usage
Products
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made of
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 should be costly to tell
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 minimum
sugar
Use synonyms
. The given
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
is illustrate
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the phenomenon that how we save our community
to
Change preposition
by using
show examples
use
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 can save many diseases. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
discussion
disquistion
Add a comma
disquistion,
show examples
 I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 my point of view and
also
Linking Words
 forthcoming paragraph will
clear
Replace the word
clarify
show examples
 my point of view.
Fist
Correct your spelling
First
show examples
 and
formast
Correct your spelling
foremost
,the
food
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 which contain lots of
sugar
Use synonyms
, we should avoid
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
things
Use synonyms
. Sometimes it is not good for our
health
Use synonyms
 and
give
Verb problem
causes
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in Pakistan most individuals consume a huge amount of sugary foods and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
 which cause many
health
Use synonyms
 diseases like fat and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
diabetes.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who eat sweet
food
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer young age from diabetes and
this
Linking Words
 disease is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.Some of the time it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 weight gain
while
Linking Words
 others abruptly take weight loss
moreover
Linking Words
,when it is out of control we have to
use
Use synonyms
 insulin to prevent
this
Linking Words
 disease that's why we should not
use
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugary products but only for taste.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 say that sugary foods should be
sale
Correct your spelling
sold at
show examples
 high prices
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
so then
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will
be avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
these
things
Use synonyms
 but I think one more thing that
add
Change the verb form
adds
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 enigma,
we
Add a missing verb
is we
show examples
 should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 our societies that if they consume lots of
sugar
Use synonyms
,they can suffer different
health
Use synonyms
 problems and
also
Linking Words
 told them that its consequences are worse.Some nations are
awared
Correct your spelling
awarded
aware
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation
for example
Linking Words
,in China
people
Use synonyms
 do not
use
Use synonyms
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of sweets because they
aware
Add a missing verb
were aware
show examples
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 decades that's why Chinese
people
Use synonyms
 more active and fit
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than other nations.
Hence
Linking Words
,we should spread awareness
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
 level that we should
minimal
Replace the word
minimise
show examples
 consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
our
Change preposition
for our
show examples
 children.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,we should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
 new generation
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
use
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugary
things
Use synonyms
minimum
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and should print pumflit and
also
Linking Words
learnt
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 school and college level.If they
use
Use synonyms
 these
things
Use synonyms
 and
drinks
Use synonyms
 they suffer serious diseases that their whole life
spoil
Correct subject-verb agreement
spoils
show examples
.I
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement that we should not eat
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 sugary foods.
Submitted by rs55169611 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay's logical structure is difficult to follow owing to frequent grammatical errors and unclear sentence construction. Work on developing clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea. A logical progression of ideas is crucial for higher coherence and cohesion scores.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, they lack clarity and direct responses to the task statement. Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the prompt and your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not well-supported. Each paragraph must include specific details or examples that directly relate to the main point being discussed. To improve, focus on expanding your ideas and providing evidence or examples to support those ideas.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete; the essay does not fully address the question of whether sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage reduced consumption. Make sure to directly address the prompt and provide a balanced argument.
task achievement
Ideas are unclear and lack comprehensive detail. Improve by expressing your points in a more structured way and clarifying your opinions. Use paragraphs effectively to organize thoughts and provide detailed support for each point made.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples. Examples are crucial for illustrating your points and reinforcing your arguments. To improve your score, incorporate more concrete examples and data where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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