IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education
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Many
people
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 strive to achieve a successful life.
However
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,
success
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 is a very vague concept which may mean different things to different
people
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.
This
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 essay will consider
success
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 with
regards
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regard
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 to the workplace, family, and
finally
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 personal achievements. For many
people
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,
success
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 is primarily measured
though
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through
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 their
career
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careers
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. For some
people
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,
this
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 is measured in the monetary value of their salary; if they earn more than someone else they are more successful.
However
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, others disregard
this
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 view and argue that if you are working in a job that you do not enjoy
then
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 you cannot be considered a
success
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, regardless of your income.
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Instead
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Instead,
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 you need to consider job satisfaction and professional achievement.
For example
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, teachers who have helped many
people
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 achieve their goals or other workers who have successfully realised a project or other target that they had. Another important indicator of
success
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 may be the family. Raising and providing for a family is an important goal for many
people
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. In
this
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case
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case,
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success
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 can be measured in how satisfied your family are with close bonds between family members being more important than financial indicators. A final aspect is that of personal achievement. We all have goals and dreams which we would like to achieve. These dreams are very diverse and vary from person to person.
For example
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, some
people
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 may wish to travel the world; others compete in a marathon
,
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apply
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 or write a book. By achieving these things we are accomplishing targets and would feel immensely successful. In conclusion,
people
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 may see
success
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 on either a professional or more personal level. I would argue that
success
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 is individual for everybody but
that
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apply
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for me, it is a mix of all of the different things described above.
Submitted by rachel131 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear thesis statement that dictates the direction of your arguments. A strong, concise thesis will help to maintain a logical structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a range of cohesive devices to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. However, be careful not to overuse them as this can disrupt the natural flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop the introduction and conclusion further to make them more impactful. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion should succinctly summarise the discussion and reiterate the thesis.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed, and that your personal view is well integrated into the essay. Offer a balanced discussion before presenting your own perspective.
task achievement
Aim to present more specific examples to back up your arguments. Examples add depth to your essay and provide tangible evidence to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
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