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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary product should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #product #level #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, most food and drink
products
 produced by modern factories
such
 as chocolates, cakes, and juices have a high level of
sugar
.
Moreover
, governments can protect people's well-being by managing the usage of these types of man-made between them. I strongly agree with increasing the prices of a number of
products
 with side effects on
health
 to decrease them in the market.
However
, these
products
 are
consequently
 delicious,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they have numerous bad effects on
health
 like increasing diabetes person in societies and a plethora of other diseases.
For example
,
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 and fatty livers are kind of problems that start after a bad diet with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
 and other carbohydrates.
Haveing
Correct your spelling
Having
show examples
 fresh and healthy food and drink in
diet
Correct pronoun usage
their diet
show examples
 can improve
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 body conditions and provide a better life for them.
In other words
, governments and medical mysteries are responsible for
health
 and safety in societies, and they can handle the usage of
sugar
 among people to provide awesome societies with fantastic programs to have healthy generations.
Additionally
, selling
products
 with high
sugar
 levels and many more with a high range of
sugar
 is more expensive than previously making people avoid buying them than previously. In
this
 situation, they prefer not to pay for them and stop using them and it can develop their lifestyles. In conclusion, I believe modern food and drink include more
sugar
 than past and it has many bad effects on
health
 conditions.
Although
, there are a number of ways to manage using them, reducing
this
 by making them more expensive is a beneficial way to solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by sina.salajegheh on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to another. Use cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Present a clear position throughout the response. The main ideas are clear but can be developed further, and specific examples should be included to support your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overconsumption
  • sugar tax
  • health implications
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • tooth decay
  • regressive tax
  • awareness campaigns
  • product labeling
  • public health
  • economic impact
  • preventive measures
  • caloric intake
  • nutritional education
  • consumption patterns
  • lifestyle diseases
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