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Band 4

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healtg #care #costs
It is not an easy task to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 care of
children
. Nowadays, many parents
faceing
Correct your spelling
facing
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 of overweight
children
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health
 and
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 in the
future
. There are a lot of reasons behind
weight
Correct article usage
the weight
show examples
 increase of
kids
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the causes and solutions for
this
 issue. We can highlight
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
junk
food
 is the main reason for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
health
 issues.
Due to
,
junk
food
contained
Wrong verb form
containing
show examples
 unhealthy diet
scuh
Correct your spelling
such
 as, farm oil,
carbohydreate
Correct your spelling
carbohydrate
carbohydrates
, meats .differnt types of
sauses
Correct your spelling
sauces
causes
, MSG and
food
 flavours.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents fill their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 snack
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
show examples
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
junk
food
, for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
easyness
Correct your spelling
business
then
this
 habit
kids
 will continue in the
future
. Those things directly affect to growth of
teennager
Correct your spelling
teenager
teenagers
. As a
resulf
Correct your spelling
result
 of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can see
overweight
Correct article usage
an overweight
show examples
 generation in the
future
 and there are
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of side effects of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 unhealthy
food
 habits.
For example
, some
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 have found
junk
food
 is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for ADHA
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
.
Becasue
Correct your spelling
Because
 of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 wrong meal habits people have to spend more money on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
health
 care. As a solution for
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 I can suggest we want to train them to eat more fruits and vegetables. All mothers and fathers have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to provide them
healthy
Change preposition
with healthy
show examples
food
, it not should be more expensive but it should be
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 meal.
For instance
,
parent
Add an article
a parent
the parent
show examples
 can
preapre
Correct your spelling
prepare
 their meal always at home
instead
 of choosing a close
restuarent
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 meals. If we train them to eat healthy they will continue
this
 habit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
later.
This
 will help to avoid many
health
isuues
Correct your spelling
issues
 among
children
. In conclusion, we all are in busy
scheduale
Correct your spelling
schedule
 but we need to give priority
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our
health
. As a busy parent do not put
junk
food
 in your
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 lunch box choose something healthy
instead
 of
this
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 our
future
 generation will be in danger of
overwieght
Correct your spelling
overweight
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and different
health
 issues.
Submitted by Sa.inaka on

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coherence cohesion
There are some coherence issues, with sentences not always logically connected or clear. You should ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is developed with relevant supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the points made. Both were present but could be more focused and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help with the flow of your essay and make your argument more coherent.
task achievement
Make sure your essay completely answers all parts of the question. Develop your ideas fully and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay should include clear and comprehensive ideas that answer the question directly and in depth. Avoid vague statements and ensure your main points are well explained and supported.
task achievement
Your ideas would be strengthened with relevant, specific examples. These examples should clearly support the point you're making and be directly related to the question prompt.
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