Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
usage
of food and drinks that contain high Correct article usage
the usage
level
of fat and Fix the agreement mistake
levels
sugar
which are produced by modern factories is increasing worldwide. In fact, governments are responsible to enhance
Change preposition
for enhancing
people
's well-being by managing the usage of these types of products by increasing prices
of them Correct pronoun usage
their prices
Although
these products are delicious, they can cuse
a wide Correct your spelling
cause
veriety
of negative Correct your spelling
variety
affects
on Correct your spelling
effects
people
's health such
as increasing the population of people
who are suffering from diabets and obesity. The main reason of
Change preposition
for
these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
desease
is a diet which contains high levels of Correct your spelling
disease
sugar
and other types of carbohydrates. Consuming fresh and healthy food and drinks in daily diet can improve their body condition and provides
a better life for them. Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
In other words
, governments and medical mysteries are responsible for health and safety in societies, and they can handle the usage of sugar
among people
to provide awesome societies with fantastic programs to have healthy generations. Additionally
, selling products with high sugar
levels and many more with a high range of sugar
is more expensive than previously making people
avoid buying them than previously. In this
situation, they prefer not to pay for them and stop using them and it can develop their lifestyles. In conclusion, I believe modern food and drink include more sugar
than past and it has many bad effects on health conditions. Although
, there are a number of ways to manage using them, reducing this
by making them more expensive is a beneficial way to solve this
problem.Submitted by sina.salajegheh on
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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should state the topic and your position. Each body paragraph should have a main idea supported by examples or explanations, and the conclusion should summarize your points and restate your position.
coherence
Work on paragraphing and include clear topic sentences for each paragraph to make sure the ideas are well-organized and the argument is easy to follow.
lexical resource
Enhance the range of vocabulary and the accuracy of language used. Avoid repetition and use synonyms to express ideas more effectively. Check the spelling of words like 'diabets' which should be 'diabetes', and 'mysteries' which is likely meant to be 'ministers'.
support
Provide specific examples and explanation to support each main point made. This will add depth to the essay and help to clearly illustrate the arguments.
task response
Complete the task by adequately addressing all parts of the prompt. Clearly articulate whether you agree or disagree with the statement and develop your argument accordingly. Statements such as 'medical mysteries are responsible' are vague and need clarification.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite