IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of food and drinks that contain high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of fat and
sugar
Use synonyms
 which are produced by modern factories is increasing worldwide. In fact, governments are responsible
to enhance
Change preposition
for enhancing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's well-being by managing the usage of these types of products by increasing
prices
Correct pronoun usage
their prices
show examples
 of them
Although
Linking Words
 these products are delicious, they can
cuse
Correct your spelling
cause
 a wide
veriety
Correct your spelling
variety
 of negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
's health
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the population of
people
Use synonyms
 who are suffering from diabets and obesity. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
 is a diet which contains high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and other types of carbohydrates. Consuming fresh and healthy food and drinks in daily diet can improve their body condition and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a better life for them.
In other words
Linking Words
, governments and medical mysteries are responsible for health and safety in societies, and they can handle the usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 to provide awesome societies with fantastic programs to have healthy generations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, selling products with high
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels and many more with a high range of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is more expensive than previously making
people
Use synonyms
 avoid buying them than previously. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, they prefer not to pay for them and stop using them and it can develop their lifestyles. In conclusion, I believe modern food and drink include more
sugar
Use synonyms
 than past and it has many bad effects on health conditions.
Although
Linking Words
, there are a number of ways to manage using them, reducing
this
Linking Words
 by making them more expensive is a beneficial way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Submitted by sina.salajegheh on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should state the topic and your position. Each body paragraph should have a main idea supported by examples or explanations, and the conclusion should summarize your points and restate your position.
coherence
Work on paragraphing and include clear topic sentences for each paragraph to make sure the ideas are well-organized and the argument is easy to follow.
lexical resource
Enhance the range of vocabulary and the accuracy of language used. Avoid repetition and use synonyms to express ideas more effectively. Check the spelling of words like 'diabets' which should be 'diabetes', and 'mysteries' which is likely meant to be 'ministers'.
support
Provide specific examples and explanation to support each main point made. This will add depth to the essay and help to clearly illustrate the arguments.
task response
Complete the task by adequately addressing all parts of the prompt. Clearly articulate whether you agree or disagree with the statement and develop your argument accordingly. Statements such as 'medical mysteries are responsible' are vague and need clarification.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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