Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Being a famous person,
such
as a movie star or a sportsperson, brings issues as well as
benefits. Although
famous people
live lavish lives
, I believe that death threats from evil-minded people
such
as gangsters for not paying them money
create more issues.
High-class sports individuals and movie actors and actresses live high-end lives
. In other words
, they can afford luxuries such
as high-end cars and luxurious homes which a common man can not afford; and thus
, they enjoy their lives
to the fullest. For instance
, in research, it was found that famous people
in India earn almost ten times more than an average Indian, and as a result
, they buy luxury items. However
, I think that a huge amount of money
and fame also
attracts bad people
.
Rich individuals such
as movie stars and sports people
are always in danger of being killed by gangsters for not giving them money
. This
is because many criminals ask for protection payment from these high-class men and women to save them from other gangsters, and if they do not pay them, they sometimes kill them. For example
, a famous singer, Sidhu Moosewala, was killed by criminals in 2022 because he refused to give them protection money
. Therefore
, in my opinion, these high-class people
are always in constant danger of getting killed.
In conclusion, it is being said that celebrities such
as film stars or others have both benefits and drawbacks. Even though they live high-class lives
with luxuries, I believe that they have to face harmful threats from bad individuals. Hence
, I think that becoming a celebrity brings more drawbacks as compared to benefits.Submitted by KaranAwal15 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and distinct structure. To improve, ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized, each one focusing on a single main idea. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is present but could be improved by clearly paraphrasing the question and stating your opinion. Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your position. This will make your essay more cohesive and provide a sense of closure.
task achievement
While you presented an opinion on the issue, your response is not fully developed. A balanced argument considering both sides, or more detailed reasoning behind your opinion, would enhance the depth of your essay. Additionally, make conclusions that link back to the original question to ensure that you fully address the task.
task achievement
To better express your ideas, aim to develop your points clearly and systematically. Expanding on your arguments with further explanation, and possibly presenting a contrasting viewpoint, would make your response more comprehensive.
task achievement
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