In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own - knowledge or experience.

Several countries experienced an upward trend for their residents’ mean
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
body
weight
and the opposite pattern for
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
rate. In
this
essay, I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
factors that have induced
these two interconnected phenomenon
Change the determiner
this two interconnected phenomenon
these two interconnected phenomena
show examples
and some possible interventions to address them.
Firstly
, the main factor that might hinder
someone
to
Change preposition
from exercising
show examples
exercise
is based on the long work hours
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
normal in
this
era, especially in the business consulting industry, which
also
leads to an immobile and static
body
. When
someone
is working for a long hour, they are bound to their working desk as they have to utilize a major share of their day drowned with assignments.
Consequently
, the
lack
of free
time
will push them to prioritize convenience, including
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they prefer to eat. To illustrate, when
someone
is trapped in their workload for almost the entire day, they will most likely consume instant and unhealthy snacks
while
working to help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stay focused and not waste any
time
.
This
will not only contribute to the
weight
gain
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
cause low energy from the
lack
of nutritional intake, hindering them to have energy left to
exercise
.
Additionally
, the long and unfixed hours might
also
contribute to the diminishing
exercise
level. When
someone
is planning to
exercise
after work, they might be disturbed by any sudden and urgent tasks, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them
might
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think to just not
exercise
altogether if they will potentially have to stop in the middle of the
exercise
. Other than that,
other possible factor
Change the wording
another possible factor
other possible factors
show examples
that
also
might become a background
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
issue is how
someone
may perceive exercising as a not enjoyable and exciting thing to do.
For example
, some people might see any
exercise
activities to be intimidating because they have never done it before. Occurrence of
this
is shown
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
how people are scared to do boxing as they do not want to get hurt,
although
it is completely safe when done with the surveillance of a professional coach. The
lack
of motivation caused by no knowledge and familiarity of the activities to engage in
exercise
and healthy activities will contribute to the surging
body
weight
. In my opinion, there are some potential measures that can be a response to the issue. Examples include how the government can make a policy targeted to companies where they have to introduce a fixed
time
for employees to
exercise
in their office, done by the HR to help.
In addition
, the fixed
exercise
sessions can
also
be utilized to introduce various exercises so that each of the participants can find their preferred sport in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
show examples
for them to continue delving deeper
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
their chosen one.
To conclude
, the
lack
of
exercise
and movement of residents’
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, especially in the case of office workers might have caused an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
body
weight
level.
This
issue can be
intervened
Verb problem
addressed
show examples
by introducing a bill for a fixed
exercise
time
that can
also
introduce a variety of different sports in their office.
Submitted by febrinhidayat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, you need to ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task. The essay tends to slightly generalize rather than exploring the causes and solutions in depth with specific, concrete examples. It would strengthen your essay to include more specific examples and elaborate further on the measures suggested. Remember to delineate the measures clearly and analyze their potential impact in greater detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and you have used a clear essay structure, which includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph deals with a separate aspect of the question. However, to improve your logical structure further, consider organizing your main points and their supporting information more effectively. This can be done by introducing each paragraph's main idea in the first sentence and following it with solid support throughout the paragraph.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: