Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situationsuch as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some believe that we have
accept
Fix the infinitive
to accept
show examples
our bad situation as it is
while
others want to
change
that situation by working on that
proble
Correct your spelling
problem
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
if anything bad
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
, we can
change
that with our action.
Firstly
, if we
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
having
job
which
Change preposition
with which
show examples
we
don't
Verb problem
are not
show examples
satisfied
then
better to look for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
new
job
which means we
didn't
Verb problem
are not
show examples
satisfied from a
job
means the work or
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
environment
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
as expected.
Therefore
,
instead
of staying in the same
spot
Add a comma
spot,
show examples
we can
tried
Wrong verb form
try to
show examples
move on by searching
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
jobs and analysing
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each
oportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunity
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
their culture, salary and other
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
before joining.
This
way we know what we want and choose the correct one to make it better. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, I'm working
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
a company as a developer but that company's environment and policies
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
suited for me. But, I can choose to
change
my place
instead
accept
Wrong verb form
of accepting
show examples
the current one. By doing that the situation can be better.
Secondly
,
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
of money comes from not having a proper income or not having money management. It can be changeable too.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
if my monthly essential expense is more than my income
then
I have to find a way to improve that by finding
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
job
or starting
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
business. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
even
I
Correct word choice
if I
show examples
have enough money
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have not
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
proper financial management
also
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
problem but it can
be
Change the verb form
be also changed
show examples
also
change
by avoiding unwanted
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
.
Finally
, whatever reason
Submitted by n_wara11 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential components of the IELTS essay structure. Make sure to include them to present a complete argument.
logical structure
The logical flow of your essay is somewhat disrupted, needing clearer connections and transitions between ideas. Aim to have a more natural progression from one point to the next.
supported main points
You need to develop your supporting points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations to effectively strengthen your argument.
complete response
The essay appears incomplete and ends abruptly. Ensure to provide a decisive conclusion to summarize your stance on the topic and reinforce your main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to express your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Elaborate on each point to fully convey your message and make sure it's easily understood.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This makes your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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