Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?
In the modern world television and computers have a variety
effects
on Change preposition
of effects
the
society and our lives that could bring both negative and positive effects on our physiological state. A crucial number of people possess these Correct article usage
apply
media
factors Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
any
significant influence on Correct determiner usage
a
peoples
Change noun form
people's
behavior
. I reckon that, in most Change the spelling
behaviour
cases
social Add a comma
cases,
media
violence does affect people’s behavior.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, in our Linking Words
generation
we all use Add a comma
generation,
TV’s
and other electronic devices. Behaviors we did when we Change the noun form
tvs
TV
are
young, all becauseWrong verb form
were
that
; Correct pronoun usage
apply
what
we watch and what we play Change preposition
of what
and
in computer games. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, if a little kid Linking Words
see
a harmful thing Change the verb form
sees
in
Change preposition
on
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
, he will think that violence is a great Use synonyms
think
and he will do the same thing to his friends Correct your spelling
thing
in
Change preposition
on
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
Use synonyms
than
he becomes a bully.
Correct your spelling
then
Moreover
, everything we watch and see will slowly begin to enter our brain and we will not think that it is a detrimental problem. Linking Words
Besides
, nowadays all people act like what they Linking Words
saw
Wrong verb form
see
in
social Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
media
. Use synonyms
For example
, there are a variety of videos about daily lives in tik tok ,when we want to solve a problem we can take Linking Words
a advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
in
Change preposition
from
tiktok
videos and we can easily use it against Correct your spelling
TikTok
to
the person we have a problem with ,Change preposition
apply
Linking Words
furthermore
we do not think that will be true or false, in Tik Tok we only take advice in videos. Add a comma
furthermore,
Besides
a significant number of children use AI’s to learn new things or have fun with video games Linking Words
however
we don’t even know what they are doing or what they are searching in social Linking Words
media
.
In conclusion, I would agree thatUse synonyms
,
violence on television and computer games has a damaging Remove the comma
apply
affect
on Replace the word
effect
the
society so we should not be easily influenced by social networks.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
The essay provides a general response to the prompt, but it lacks depth and comprehensive analysis. Ideas should be expanded with more detailed explanations and clear arguments to fully cover all parts of the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure needs improvement. Ideas appear somewhat haphazardly and transitions between them are not always smooth, which hinders the essay's logical flow. Consistent and logical organization of points should be applied to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points is inadequate and not effectively illustrated with pertinent examples. Greater emphasis should be placed on developing these points with relevant, specific examples that can substantiate the arguments made within the essay.