Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays,
advertistments
are more powerful. Some Correct your spelling
advertisements
TV
commercials
specially
focus on young Replace the word
especially
children
, it is should not allowed. I totally agree with this
statement . In this
essay
I will discuss Add a comma
essay,
further
and explain the reasons for my agreement.
When the company creating
the Wrong verb form
creates
advertistement
they have a target market. Some Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
commercials
they
directly target Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
young Change preposition
apply
children
beacuse
it is easy for them to create demand for their products. Correct your spelling
because
For example
, recently there was a magerine advertistment
, in Correct your spelling
magazine advertisement
this
, they straight away talk to the children
, They tell
, Verb problem
say
when
you eat Correct word choice
that when
magerine
only you will have Correct your spelling
machine
energy
, Correct article usage
the energy
ability
to play sports and be a talented kid in the classroom. Correct article usage
the ability
However
, we all know magerine contained
bad fat and it Wrong verb form
contains
cuase for
Verb problem
causes
cancers
. When the Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
kids
see this promotions
they Change the determiner
this promotion
these promotions
requested
their Wrong verb form
request
parents
to buy those products. At the same time they will offer a free toy so, kids
will defenitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
attract
Wrong verb form
be attracted
for
their products. I think Change preposition
to
wrong
influence Correct article usage
the wrong
for
Change preposition
on
children
is not good marketing. It is contrast
the marketing ethics.
Change the verb form
contrasts
On the other hand
, parents
have a responsibilty
to avoid the Correct your spelling
responsibility
TV
from kids
, hense
, Correct your spelling
hence
busy
schedule of the Add an article
the busy
a busy
parents
they allow their children
to watch TV
long time. Therefore
, kids
watch everything on TV
and they believe what they watch in
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
TV
is real. However
, parents
want to control their screen time and teach them what is real and what is not in
the Change preposition
on
TV
. For instance
, instead
of letting them to
watch Change the verb form
apply
television
they can Add a comma
television,
give
some downloaded programme, Verb problem
watch
then
they can not see TV
commercials
.
In conclusion, I personally not
happy with most of the Add a missing verb
am not
advertistments
, even of the adult Correct your spelling
advertisements
commercials
. Companies doing those productions for targeting profit, they
do not care about the quality or moral value of their productions. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, parents
want to avoid commercials
as much as possible otherwise
children
will have wrong information from their childhood.Submitted by Sa.inaka on
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Introduction
Your introduction could be improved by presenting a clear thesis statement that outlines the essay's direction. Avoid general statements and get straight to the point of your argument.
Paragraph structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the sentences within those paragraphs are logically organized to enhance understanding.
Supporting evidence
Provide real evidence or statistics to support your points, rather than hypothetical examples, to make your argument stronger and more credible.
Conclusion
Your conclusion can be improved by summarizing your main points with clarity. Ensure you restate your position one final time and leave the reader with something to think about.
Task Response
Address the task more directly by clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement and by substantiating your opinion with precise ideas and examples relevant to the question.
Linking
Use a wider range of cohesion devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow better and be easier to follow.
Grammar and Complexity
Try to avoid grammatical errors and use a range of sentence structures. Complex sentences, in particular, can help show off your language skills if used correctly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.