IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In modern life, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent times, there is an
on going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
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 discussion, that it is not necessary in
this
Linking Words
 modern life, to use
animals
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 as food and in other
products
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 like clothing and medicines. If questioned to me,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would strongly agree with
this
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 statement. Detailed
explanation
Fix the agreement mistake
explanations
show examples
 with examples are provided in the following write-ups.
Firstly
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, we can say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 in
this
Linking Words
 modern life there is no requirement to use animal
products
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, we always have alternative options ready, like
instead
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 of wearing pure leather clothes, a person could wear cotton clothes. In earlier
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 there were no other facilities, so they did not have other options, but now there are many options available.  Adding to
this
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, we can say no to
usage
Add an article
the usage
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 of animal
products
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, as we don't use animal
products
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 without harming
animals
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,
animals
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also
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 have life, so we should not harm them,
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 we should respect them,
we
Correct word choice
and we
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 should not exploit them for
Correct pronoun usage
our owns
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owns
Wrong verb form
own
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 benefit.
However
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, some public may say that using animal
products
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 is harmless to the
animals
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, but for
this
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 statement, they should visit the poultry farm and see the process. Adding to
this
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, they would
also
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 say that eating
animals
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 high in protein, which is really needed by our body to grow and to make muscles.
To sum up
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans are following the path of cruelty, which should be stopped. In a
report
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report,
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 it is said that around 60 billion chickens are killed every year. So the generation should become vegan, and should not harm
animals
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to start with a concise thesis statement that clearly outlines your view. End with a strong conclusion that summarizes your points and reiterates your position.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Use clear paragraphs for each main idea, and make sure those ideas are logically connected and transition smoothly.
supported main points
In supporting your main points, provide more concrete examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements and strive for depth and specificity in your reasoning.
complete response
While you have made an attempt to answer the question, your essay would benefit from a more complete response that addresses all aspects of the prompt, including the necessity of using animals in food, clothing, and medicines.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Each paragraph should have one central idea that is fully explained and supported.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Avoid broad or unsubstantiated statements. Use data, studies, or real-world events to solidify your argument and give it more impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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