In modern life, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food and in other products like clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, there is an
on going
discussion, that it is not necessary in Correct your spelling
ongoing
this
modern life, to use animals
as food and in other products
like clothing and medicines. If questioned to me, i
would strongly agree with Change the capitalization
I
this
statement. Detailed explanation
with examples are provided in the following write-ups.
Fix the agreement mistake
explanations
Firstly
, we can say that,
in Remove the comma
apply
this
modern life there is no requirement to use animal products
, we always have alternative options ready, like instead
of wearing pure leather clothes, a person could wear cotton clothes. In earlier time
there were no other facilities, so they did not have other options, but now there are many options available.
Adding to Fix the agreement mistake
times
this
, we can say no to usage
of animal Add an article
the usage
products
, as we don't use animal products
without harming animals
, animals
also
have life, so we should not harm them, instead
we should respect them, Add a comma
instead,
we
should not exploit them for Correct word choice
and we
Correct pronoun usage
our owns
owns
benefit.
Wrong verb form
own
However
, some public may say that using animal products
is harmless to the animals
, but for this
statement, they should visit the poultry farm and see the process. Adding to this
, they would also
say that eating animals
are
high in protein, which is really needed by our body to grow and to make muscles.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
To sum up
, i
think that Change the capitalization
I
the
humans are following the path of cruelty, which should be stopped. In a Correct article usage
apply
report
it is said that around 60 billion chickens are killed every year. So the generation should become vegan, and should not harm Add a comma
report,
animals
.Submitted by vrajgirigosai0079 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to start with a concise thesis statement that clearly outlines your view. End with a strong conclusion that summarizes your points and reiterates your position.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Use clear paragraphs for each main idea, and make sure those ideas are logically connected and transition smoothly.
supported main points
In supporting your main points, provide more concrete examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements and strive for depth and specificity in your reasoning.
complete response
While you have made an attempt to answer the question, your essay would benefit from a more complete response that addresses all aspects of the prompt, including the necessity of using animals in food, clothing, and medicines.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Each paragraph should have one central idea that is fully explained and supported.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Avoid broad or unsubstantiated statements. Use data, studies, or real-world events to solidify your argument and give it more impact.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
