IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some think that private companies should clean up pollution, while others say it is the government’s responsibility.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that special companies should clean up the outside,others
people
Use synonyms
 have the notion that the
government
Use synonyms
 is liable. In my opinion, the
government
Use synonyms
 is
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
 ı will outline the reason in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
government
Use synonyms
 must clean up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
show examples
 and should pay attention to these subjects because nowadays, the entire world has dirty
pollution
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 the ministry
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not any motion relevant to the topics
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 not having regular information
therefore
Linking Words
 everyone has not thought of these ideas.
People
Use synonyms
 just consider that somebody should do something duty
hence
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 who do not want to think about the issues, say that the private companies might care to work. In fact, the
government
Use synonyms
 should implement
this
Linking Words
 liability because every person has to give money because of the tax. that's why the ministry should
product
Correct your spelling
protect
show examples
 our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 particularly, in the street
hence
Linking Words
 we need to articulate to
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, we would like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 field which
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Germany
show examples
Germany
Correct your spelling
German
show examples
 public wanted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
regular air
pollution
Use synonyms
 because
according to
Linking Words
 the New York Times investigating every person might
be catch
Change the verb form
catch
show examples
 some disease
due to
Linking Words
 air
pollution
Use synonyms
 after that
people
Use synonyms
 have applied that the
government
Use synonyms
 process and
then
Linking Words
german
Add an article
the german
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 has prepared the new laws.
in addition
Linking Words
, in my country should have done
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 to ways but we should found routes to fight back if we
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have find any
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
probably
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, we could
be died
Change to the active voice
die
have died
show examples
 our body fastly. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 can find ways to fight
pollution
Use synonyms
 and protect our lives. The ministry should do its own responsibility.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant information.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, but they are not clearly delineated or fully developed. Make sure your introduction sets out the topic and your stance clearly, while your conclusion summarizes the main points of your argument and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
Main points in your essay need better support. Aim to back up each assertion with clear examples or evidence. You should also work on explaining how these points relate to your overall argument.
task achievement
Your response to the task is partial and needs to be more fully developed. You should aim to address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced manner.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Work on developing your thoughts more fully and expressing your points more clearly to help the reader understand your position.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is good practice in supporting your argument. However, the examples you provided are not entirely relevant or well-explained. Seek to draw on more directly relevant examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your points.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: