IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that it’s better to learn something in a group rather than individually. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #it’s #group
A portion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society states that gaining knowledge by sitting with a
group
 of people is better
instead
 of learning alone,
while
 others reject the notion. Well, I agree with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 viewpoint so, I will explain the reasons behind
this
 in the upcoming paragraphs.
Thus
, will lead to a logical conclusion as well. There is, but the most prominent one is that sitting alone in a room to
study
 helps in concentrating in
much
Add an article
a much
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 better manner than sitting with
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 of friends to
study
evenn
Correct your spelling
even
 though,
when
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apply
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half of them are not interested in studying and are just relaxing by sitting there.
For instance
, scientists in India, have proved that Individual
study
 is 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more successful for the tutees than
group
study
.
Moreover
, personal learning help pupils to figure out their
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
along with
 their weakness. As soon as children find out about these
then
, it gets quite easy for them to generate the solution to eliminate their cons so, that in future they could sharpen their skills because wrapping things around their mind is quite easy now. But, it gets quite harder for them to do so, in groups. Neither they can see what they are good at, nor they can find out where they need to improve. Moving
further
 with the same view, there are certain scholars who start comparing themselves with the other groupmates
due to
 which their self-esteem and self-confidence get a great hit They might try to step on other's game but
that is
 not possible because every person has a different learning capability.
Therefore
, sometimes
situation
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the situation
show examples
 gets out of hand and they might feel depressed which is detrimental to their future growth.
To conclude
,
according to
 the reasons aforementioned above, one can reach a logical conclusion that learning in a
group
 is not a cup of tea for every child, as individual studies are more beneficial as
this
 can give more positive results.
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a limited ability to logically organize ideas. The lack of cohesive devices and clear progression between points reduces the overall effectiveness of the argument.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, you've managed to present your viewpoint but not effectively framed the argument. They require clear thesis statements and conclusive remarks that resonate with the preceding paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The main points require further development and support. Use more specific examples and data to substantiate the claims made. Also, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic and reinforces your argument.
task achievement
Your response to the task shows an understanding of the question, but the arguments are not fully extended or well supported. Expand on the ideas presented and link them back to the prompt to truly complete the task.
task achievement
To achieve clarity, the ideas presented require more comprehensive explanations. Avoid generalizations and focus on detailed descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of your viewpoint.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples should be clearly connected to the topic, illustrating your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaborative problem-solving
  • exchange of ideas
  • peer support
  • social interaction
  • fosters
  • enrich
  • perspective
  • motivate
  • isolation
  • feedback
  • misconceptions
  • self-paced
  • retention
  • self-discipline
  • lifelong learning
  • customization
  • engagement
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