IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The layout depicts the difference between Grange
Park
 at its opening in 1920 and the
park
 today. Several things were moved but the main changes were the construction of an
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
 for concerts, the addition of a water feature and an underground
park
, and the removal of the fountain. On Arnold Avenue's
side
, the two
seats
Change the noun form
seat
show examples
 areas were removed,
as well as
 the rose garden, the one at the right
side
 of the entrance, and the pond for water plants. The former has been replaced by a Cafè,
whereas
 the latter by a children's play area.
On the other hand
, on Eldon Street's
side
, everything apart from the entrance was removed, but, on the left of it, a water feature was added to replace the glasshouse. Still on the left, the entrance to the new underground car
park
 has been built. Notably, the fountain was replaced by a square rose garden equipped with four seating areas. Right next to it, on its left
side
, the
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
 was built
instead
 of the stage.
Submitted by marianiculescu1103 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical ordering of points. Some main features could have been better connected to improve readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Include introductory and conclusive statements. The introduction is acceptable, but adding a conclusion would enhance the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with appropriate details. While changes in the park are noted, the comparison could be strengthened with more detailed contrast.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. You've summarized the main changes, but ensure every significant detail from the plans is covered.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on ideas. Be specific when describing changes; for instance, when mentioning the amphitheater and cafe, detail their significance or improvements they bring to the park.
task achievement
Use examples effectively to support your points. When mentioning new features like the water feature or car park, include an example of their impact on park-goers or the environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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