In some countries, an increasing number of children are overweight or obese as a result of eating too much fast food. Banning fast food from school canteens is the best way to flight this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In today's fast-paced time, many kids suffer from overweight or obesity and
unfortunately
their number is rising Add a comma
unfortunately,
due to
consuming a large amount of junk food
. Some researchers argued that this
type of food
should be prevented from schools
to solve this
problem. In my opinion, I agree that this
solution could be effective during a part of the kids' life, but, for sure, there should be other steps followed to terminate this
issue and keep the health of the Youngs.
Some scholars claim in their research that as the need for junk is increasing very rapidly, especially among young ages whether in schools
or outside, the rate of overweight is rising significantly. They explained that these results will cause some difficult problems related to health over the long term. They suggest that by strictly following certain procedures, governments will have the ability to restrain this
issue as much as possible. One of these suggestions is prohibiting these types of food
from schools
and replacing them with numerous healthy options in a way that satisfy
the favorites of the students.
Correct subject-verb agreement
satisfies
Although
I agree with this
recommendation as it lessens the chances of eating preprocessed food
, I believe that there should be other approaches to be observed besides
this
suggestion. One of these ways is preparing events that support the idea of healthy food
and its importance, with taking the age of the pupils into consideration. In addition
to cooperation
with families to get accustomed to healthy eating and make it a daily routine.
Correct your spelling
cooperating
To conclude
, the overweight and fitness has considerably increased. Though prohibiting junk in schools
, may seem to be a suitable method, I fully believe that it is not sufficient to prevent the overweight of the kids. The most appropriate approach is motivating infants to depend more on health products and play sports regularly.Submitted by ahmed.nabih.salem on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically with supporting sentences. Your essay seemed to lose focus at certain points, which affects the overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on the introduction and conclusion structure to clearly establish your position and summarize the key points of your argument. While the presence of these elements is noted, they require greater clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed support, including examples or evidence. Some of the points were underdeveloped and needed more substance to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task efficiently. The response must reflect a full understanding of the prompt with clear and developed ideas throughout the essay. Make sure to emphasize the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement and justify it thoroughly.
task achievement
Strive to use some specific examples to back up your ideas. This will greatly enhance the illustrative quality of your writing and make your points more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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