The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries

Over the

last

decade

Add a comma

decade,

show examples

there has been a massive rise in the level of

crime

committed by teenagers in a number of countries. It is

important

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

crucial to establish why

this

has happened and to look at ways to solve the problem. One reason is the breakdown

Change preposition

show examples

the nuclear family. The high divorce rates have meant many children have been brought up in one-parent families with no father to act as a role model which is detrimental to their development.

This

is particularly important for boys, who without

this

guidance are easily led astray by bad influences

such

as drugs and

crime

. Another factor is the lack of things to do for the young.

For example

, in the UK, many television programs about

this

issue have shown that teenagers hang around in the evenings with little to do. When

this

happens,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

boredom means they will find their own entertainment, which is often

crime

Correct article usage

a crime

show examples

. There are,

however

, ways to tackle these problems.

Firstly

, the government should provide more support for families. They could,

for instance

, invest more into building and staffing youth centers which would provide guidance through the youth workers and

also

enable teenagers to focus their attention on sport and other activities. Parents should

also

be encouraged to take more responsibility for their children. Ultimately, the onus is on them to ensure their children are brought up in a loving environment which would make them less likely to turn to

crime

. They could,

for example

, find a male relative to act as a role model.

Therefore

it is clear that

there are various reasons for

this

rise in

crime

, but solutions are available. If we begin to tackle the issue now, we may be able to prevent the situation from declining

further

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Task Achievement

To achieve a higher score for task achievement, thoroughly respond to all parts of the task. Although the essay has addressed possible reasons and solutions for the increased crime rate among teenagers, it could have been enhanced with more detailed examples and a deeper exploration of the issues raised. Adding more specific evidence and expanding on the ideas would provide a richer, more comprehensive response.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next, with a variety of linking phrases. While your essay is mostly well-organized, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and add sophistication to the essay structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

In some countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly in recent years. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Write a letter to a manager whose company is constructing their new office next to your apartment. - Introduce yourself - Describe problems you are facing because of this - Suggest solutions

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?