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Writing Samples
Band 7

In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is true that a larger proportion of individual
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 is spent on improving appearance and resisting ageing.
Although
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 reasonable factors lead to
this
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 trend, I believe it has
overall
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 negative consequences. There are several reasons why people spend money on improving their looks.
Firstly
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, it enhances their confidence, especially when conversations or an on-stage activity take place, where they receive a lot of attention.
Secondly
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, the younger generation is easily influenced by circumstances as others are becoming more attractive, and it’s hard to not gain inferiority when comparison occurs,
therefore
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, the tendency would likely be amplified.
Finally
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, the nature of humanity induces us to judge others by their appearance, harshly but crucially.
For example
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, a person who looks ugly will often be concluded as aggressive by stereotypes,
thus
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 many would want to change their look to avoid prejudice.
However
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, the trend could have inherent drawbacks. Generally speaking, it is a waste of money because it’s about fulfilling vanity and being an inevitable aftermath of our high priority when it comes to receiving a first impression from others,
whereas
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this
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 could be refined in terms of early education.
Besides
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, discrimination might aggravate
due to
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 the high expense of cosmetics and only a few can afford them in the long term, let alone relevant face operations. Most importantly, the emphasis on customizing will permeate teenagers. To be specific, they are easy to be misled by the trend and less time will be allocated to appropriate things
such
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 as studying and exercising,
as well as
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 gaining less self-esteem when they are unable to engage in these activities. In conclusion,
while
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 spending on appearance and anti-ageing may offer short-term benefits, I imagine it could cause a series of societal problems.

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task achievement
Try to make your main points clearer and support them with more specific examples or details.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical order to improve flow.
structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
content
Your essay presents interesting ideas about society's views on appearance.
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