IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #information #features #comparisons
The vertical chart makes a comparison of
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 working
adults
 expenditure on 4 activities in 3 nations.
Overall
, the proportion of
time
 allocated to flats by London’s citizens seems to outweigh the rest,
while
 terraced
houses
 were the least occupied in
time
 working
adults
. The proportion of
time
 working
adults
 in London spent on Flats constituted approximately 60%, which was 2 times as much as in Oxford (30%), followed by the figure for Cambridge at 20%.
In contrast
, detached
houses
Change the noun form
house
show examples
 activity occupied over 30% of Cambridge's citizen
time
. Approximately a quarter of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 that was spent on detached
houses
 by
adults
 living in Oxford nation was recognized, compared to only 9%
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that in London. An estimated 26% of
time
 expenditure on semi-detached by the
adults
 in Oxford and Cambridge was similar, with London’s citizens allocating 17% of their
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 activity. Meanwhile, only a tiny fraction of
time
 spent on terraced
houses
 by
adults
 in both three countries was around 15%.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, adults, houses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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