The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarize the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The vertical chart makes a comparison of
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
working
adults
expenditure on 4 activities in 3 nations.
Overall
, the proportion of
time
allocated to flats by London’s citizens seems to outweigh the rest,
while
terraced
houses
were the least occupied in
time
working
adults
. The proportion of
time
working
adults
in London spent on Flats constituted approximately 60%, which was 2 times as much as in Oxford (30%), followed by the figure for Cambridge at 20%.
In contrast
, detached
houses
Change the noun form
house
show examples
activity occupied over 30% of Cambridge's citizen
time
. Approximately a quarter of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
that was spent on detached
houses
by
adults
living in Oxford nation was recognized, compared to only 9%
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that in London. An estimated 26% of
time
expenditure on semi-detached by the
adults
in Oxford and Cambridge was similar, with London’s citizens allocating 17% of their
time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
activity. Meanwhile, only a tiny fraction of
time
spent on terraced
houses
by
adults
in both three countries was around 15%.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, adults, houses with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: