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Band 3

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justifies. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places #people #ban
Smoking has been banned in
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, hospitals, and parks in many nations and there are
people
 who support
this
 rule.
This
 essay agrees with the statement because
smokes
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
emmiting
Correct your spelling
emissions
 from cigarettes can affect non-smokers, especially children causing them
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues. The primary reason why smoking in public
areas
 should be illegal
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it can cause severe
lungs-related
Correct your spelling
lung-related
show examples
 issues
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
 who
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 smoke. Smokers are not aware of the consequences of smoking in public places and these individuals should be punished for their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
.
For example
, in India, smokers are charged with heavy fines for smoking in
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
, hospitals and parks. The second reason why smoking in public places must be an offence is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it can have a bad influence on males and females.
Moreover
,
people
 tend to catch on
certain
Change preposition
to certain
show examples
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
show examples
 by observing others.
Consequently
, young individuals are mostly the victims of it. They can be easily influenced by others.
For instance
, smoking in public
areas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 strictly banned in India and "no smoking" banners are placed in every
areas
Change to a singular noun
area
show examples
 by the authorities. In conclusion, smoking should be illegal in public
areas
, since
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can affect
people
's health
abd
Correct your spelling
and
 it can be a bad influence on
people
.
Submitted by Sivapriyaanil on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear viewpoint throughout, but it could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, the transition between points could be smoother to enhance the essay's overall flow.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, some parts need further development to fully answer the question. Ensure each point made is expanded with explanations and illustrations. It would enhance the essay to include both sides of the argument, even if you lean towards one perspective, for a more complete response. Also, be cautious of typos and grammatical errors that could obscure the meaning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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