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These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #time #computer #games #believe #trend
Nowadays there is an ongoing debate about youngster's
computer
 usage. Some people believe
this
 is an advantageous circumstance and can bring many merits
whereas
 others think it is disadvantageous. In my opinion, both of these viewpoints are accurate.
Therefore
, in
this
 essay, I will debate these stances equally. On the one hand, the usage of appliances
such
 as
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, or
television
Fix the agreement mistake
televisions
show examples
 can be beneficial for adolescents in every aspect of their lives.
For example
, they can be influenced by a game and start to learn coding and with that, they are able to make their own games, sites, and more.
Moreover
,
this
 condition might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their future and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a massive,
Change preposition
apply
show examples
besides
, powerful background for
further
 careers.
On the other hand
, spending too much time on
computer
 games can be detrimental. It can cause tons of inevitable psychological and physical disorders
such
 as lack of attention, lack of empathy, self-esteem, social anxiety, depression, and obesity.
In addition
, games that contain war, weapon, fight, and violence elements can bring misfortunate and hazardous situations in the short term
as well as
 long term.
Furthermore
, to avoid
this
 plague parents must take precautions in advance. As an example, they can control their children's
computer
 activity,
besides
,
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricting
show examples
 their internet usage for a
while
.
Consequently
, I agree with both viewpoints. Parents
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
should take precautions to prevent their children from weird and misfortunate events for safety.
Also
, when they find a good balance in using technology, the internet will contribute dozens of things to the child.
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task achievement
Ensure that you provide a clear opinion throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion where you seem to agree with both sides, which can be confusing.
task achievement
Work on expanding your supporting examples to demonstrate your points more clearly and to make more impactful arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction, which will direct the structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear and consistent line of argumentation throughout, avoiding a middle-ground stance unless the task specifically asks for it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help with the logical structure and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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