IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Success is often measured by wealth and material possessions. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people measure accomplishment by how much
money
Use synonyms
 one
person
Use synonyms
 owns or assets that he has.
However
Linking Words
, richness is not the best way to describe achievement.There are several reasons that can make a
person
Use synonyms
 succeed. First of all, wealth can not demonstrate how successful a
person
Use synonyms
 is,it depends on the goals and achievements of a
person
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if there is a doctor it does not matter how much
money
Use synonyms
 he has or which cars he is driving which things matter in his medical skills and how many lives he has saved
besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 for athletes
money
Use synonyms
 is not a
success
Use synonyms
 because
money
Use synonyms
 can not make him good athlete there are other abilities
such
Linking Words
 as discipline, hard work and talent , rather than
money
Use synonyms
 for athlete only achievement is how many medals he had won.So,
money
Use synonyms
 and other luxuries do not make a
person
Use synonyms
 successful.
Secondly
Linking Words
, everyone has a different definition of
success
Use synonyms
 some people see achievements in earning
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others see it in happiness.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
success
Use synonyms
 means reaching the impossible.
For example
Linking Words
, when you can not speak English you feel exhausted but as soon as you learn it you reach
success
Use synonyms
. wealth and material all these things are left behind when a
person
Use synonyms
 dies ,so rather than preferring a wealthy life people should prefer a happy life.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 is not a scale to measure the
success
Use synonyms
 of others because they may not see
money
Use synonyms
 as
success
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the
success
Use synonyms
 scale varies from
person
Use synonyms
 to
person
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a view, though the ideas could be more fully extended and the position could be more fully developed with more explicit examples. Try to elaborate more on your ideas and provide clear and specific examples that reinforce your arguments. Additionally, ensure you address all parts of the task equally.
coherence cohesion
You should work on the logical structuring of your essay. The ideas should flow more naturally, and clear connections should be made between main points. Make use of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Your introduction and conclusion could be more impactful, clearly outlining your thesis and summarizing your main points in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Affluence
  • Materialism
  • Fulfillment
  • Well-being
  • Philanthropy
  • Societal norms
  • Personal growth
  • Economic power
  • Subjective
  • Humanitarian
What to do next:
Look at other essays: