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Band 3

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world
The two provided plans compare the current layout of a university's
sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 with its projected developments for the future.
Overall
, it is noticeable that the plan will undergo substantial changes. It will be extended from either
western
Correct article usage
the western
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 eastern side to provide enough
room
 for constructing a range of new facilities
as well as
 some new studios. In terms of extension,
although
 the main central facilities, namely the 25m
pool
,
along with
 the seating used and the changing
room
, in the west of the
pool
 will remain the same, the gym to the north of the
pool
 is projected to be expanded horizontally to the east, which will be followed by the addition of two dance studios on the right side of the
sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, facing a new
sports
 ball, which is planned to be constructed east of the current seating area.
Additionally
,
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of two additional changing
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 on either southern corner of the projected plan is considered.
Moreover
, through the reception, a new cafe on the right and a new
sports
 shop, on the left will be seen.
Finally
,
according to
 the considered projections, a leisure
pool
 will take the place of the current western outdoor courts, as it will be deconstructed to provide enough
room
 for
this
 new facility.
Submitted by parvizrashidi on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a basic overview of the changes planned for the university's sports center. However, the essay has significant issues with logical structure, introduction and conclusion, and supporting main points. To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating a logical flow that guides the reader from one point to the next seamlessly. Ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and a brief overview, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the sports center in more detail. Each body paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and be elaborated with supporting details. A concluding paragraph should summarize the main points discussed. Use linking words and phrases to enhance the connections between ideas.
task achievement
Your essay does not fully address the task requirements, which undermines task achievement. Including a detailed and clear introduction and conclusion can convey a more complete response. Presenting your ideas comprehensively and providing specific examples to support them can substantially improve your score. Describe more precisely how the changes will affect the sports center's usability and consider discussing the reasons for these changes or their potential impact on the university community. Providing these specific details will better demonstrate a complete understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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