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Writing Samples
Band 6

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

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Televised
talent
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 shows have gained immense popularity worldwide, sparking debates about their primary purpose.
While
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 some argue they serve as a means of discovering
talent
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, others perceive them merely as sources of entertainment.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives to explore the multifaceted nature of these shows. On the one hand, these televised programs,
such
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 as 'The Voice' and 'Vietnam's Got
Talent
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,' act as platforms where individuals, regardless of background, exhibit their exceptional abilities. Participants showcase diverse
talents
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, from music prowess to exceptional performing arts, providing an opportunity for raw
talents
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 to be identified and nurtured.
Moreover
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, winners often receive professional training and opportunities, allowing them to chase their dreams or even to become successful and famous rapidly.
On the other hand
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, most
talent
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 shows on television have recreational purposes rather than finding
talents
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. These programs try with the planned scenario to achieve more viewers
instead
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 of Introducing
talents
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 to the world.
Also
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, referees are usually not very skilled, which causes them to feel emotional or ignore
talents
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due to
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lack
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a lack
show examples
 of knowledge, and
talents
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 are not identified and introduced to the world. In my opinion, these competitions have more financial goals by entertaining people. The producer tries to find more spectators in many ways
such
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 as rejecting some talented competitors to increase the excitement of their program and make them more eager to watch the program or by planning arguments between the judges to approve or disapprove of the participants.
Furthermore
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, judges are often famous artists without any
talent
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-searching skills. In my point of view, they should have a lot of skills to find and develop gifted people in the best way. In conclusion, televised
talent
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 shows serve a dual purpose, acting as platforms for
talent
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 discovery
while
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 simultaneously providing entertainment. Their significance transcends mere entertainment, creating pathways for budding
talents
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 to shine.
While
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 their primary intent might be subjective, their undeniable impact on identifying and nurturing
talent
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 cannot be overlooked.

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task achievement
Task response can be improved by consistently addressing the question throughout the essay, ensuring that both sides of the argument are equally explored and that your viewpoint is clear and appropriately justified with relevant examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas, appropriate paragraphing, and ensuring each paragraph revolves around a central idea which is then elaborated with examples and supporting sentences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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