IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that it is more effective for student to study in groups, while other believe that it is better for them to study alone. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #student #study #groups
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to the number of foreign visitors in 3 resorts representing 3 cities
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Vietnam between 2000 and 2006.
Overall
, the number of foreign tourists staying at resorts in Phu Quoc and Mui Ne increased,
while
 Danang saw a
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
.
Additionally
, Mui Ne resort had
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 foreign customers
at the end
 of the period despite its foreign visitor numbers
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the lowest compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 2 cities in the first period. Looking at the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
foreigner
Replace the word
foreign
show examples
 customers in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, it can be noted that the amount of
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 who stayed at Phu Quoc resort fluctuated starting at 500,000 in 2000 and ending at over 600,000 in 2006. Regarding Mui Ne, its foreign visitors started at 300,000 in 2000 before tripling to over 900,000 in 2006. Turning to Danang, which saw a drop in foreign visitor numbers over the timeframe. In 2000,
resort
Correct article usage
the resort
show examples
 in Danang had
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 foreign customers at
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
 900,000,
while
 in the following 6
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
,
this
 number declined to just approximately 250,000.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The text does not respond to the given essay prompt regarding individual versus group study and instead presents a report on foreign visitors in Vietnamese resorts. The task required a discussion on different views of study habits and an expression of the candidate's own opinion, which is not fulfilled by this response. It's essential to understand the topic thoroughly and address it directly in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although the text is structured in paragraphs, the information provided is not relevant to the tasked question which impacts logical structuring. It is important to organize your essay with a clear introduction, a development of the main points in the body, and a conclusion which reflects your overall opinion or summary. Each paragraph should be coherent and should flow logically from one to the next, contributing to the overall argument or discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diverse perspectives
  • comprehension
  • retention
  • collaboration
  • communication skills
  • peers
  • accountable
  • individual learning styles
  • self-discipline
  • autonomy
  • isolation
  • gaps in understanding
  • peer input
  • discussion
  • clarify doubts
What to do next:
Look at other essays: